Ten Tips For My Daughter

I don’t have a daughter.  

However, the recent comments on the Breaking Dawn Part 2 post and its follow-up made me wonder what advice I would give to a daughter if I did have one.

Here’s what I came up with:

1. Don’t read the Twilight books until you are forty and safe from its pernicious influence.  Then feel free to love them, but expect scorn.
2. It’s okay to shave your toes.  Trust me.
3. Love comes and goes.  Housework lasts forever.
4. Only get a dog if you have no objection to daily walks, whatever the weather; and poo.
5. One glass of Coke will clean a year’s worth of grime from a toilet bowl. Think about that before you drink it.
6. Be nice to your partner.  You may need them to walk the dog some day.
7. There is no such thing as too much moisturiser.  Your neck, especially, will thank you.
8. You cannot have it all; something always has to give.  Usually your waistband.
9. I will adore your children but don’t ask me to babysit everyday.
10. The more clothes you wear, the more clothes you will have to wash. Corollary for teenage daughters:  The more clothes you wear on a date, the better for your mother’s nerves.

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What advice would you give to your fictional daughter?

Review: Breaking Dawn Part 2

There are no spoilers in this post.  If you want spoilers, read somebody meaner.

A bit of history for new followers:

Old followers, please bear with me: you’ve read enough about KStew’s and RPatz’s hair here to know that if a superhero needs to kill me, Twilight is my weakness.

I don’t like vampires or vampire movies.  I refused to watch the Twilight films when they came out.  The Hub liked them, enough that our boys had great fun offering to buy him Robert Pattinson posters and bobby socks (something teenage girls wore in the Fifties and with no link to the films, but the boys didn’t seem to care).

Last Christmas, I bought him the Twilight films trilogy box set.   He insisted I try to watch the first one with him, further insisting that they were neither scary nor gory.  He was right.  After the first one I insisted he was horrible for not insisting that I watch these films the minute they came out and I had to have the books immediately or he was going to suffer a long and terrible moan on my part.

I’m not ashamed to admit I loved the films and devoured the books.  I didn’t get to see Breaking Dawn Part 1 in the cinema, even though it was showing last Christmas.  You can read all about how that nearly killed our marriage and what the Hub had to do to save it here.

I was a little disappointed in Part 1 because I read the book before seeing the film and I didn’t like the changes that were made, though I understood why they were necessary.

I read the first three books after seeing the films and was pleased that they more or less stuck to the story.  I liked Part 1 better on second, third, eighth viewing, so I expected to feel the same way about Part 2.

The Review:

I really enjoyed it.  Some changes were made from the original story but it did stick to the spirit of the book.  The main change in particular caught me by surprise and, while I mourned the loss of an element I love in the novel, I believe the change worked really well, and was necessary for the film to work for a wider audience.

As with the other films, a lot of detail had to be omitted but there was enough to satisfy this  – alas, I cannot deny it – Twihard.

The Hub thought it was the best one of the series.  I wouldn’t go that far (Twilight will always my favourite film; Breaking Dawn is my favourite book) but as I didn’t need to fill up on any of the snacks I had sneaked into the cinema in my handbag, I acknowledge that it kept me gripped throughout.

Everyone is gorgeous.  The Hub thought young Renesmee was funny-looking (quote-that’s the ugliest kid I’ve ever seen-unquote) but I couldn’t take my eyes off Jasper’s peculiar hair long enough to notice – what was that all about?

The acting, as usual, was as usual (see here for my review of Kristen Stewart’s facial expressions) but good enough, and I enjoyed the nice touch in the end credits, where all of the main actors from the earlier films were acknowledged.

I would definitely watch it again.

But you knew that: I already have the DVD on order.

One more thing:

It cost us nothing to go: Tesco have an offer until the end of November – you can exchange your vouchers for cinema tickets at the rate of £3 in vouchers for one adult ticket.  As the going rate for an adult cinema ticket before five p.m. is £7.60, it’s an excellent deal.

The film opened today and, as it was my first time going to the cinema on a film’s opening day, I think it counts as a new experience for my 101/1001 challenge. However, I was disappointed to find there was no red carpet.  I felt a little overdressed in my floor length frock.  

D Is For ‘DVD’ Or, ‘Do I Divorce Him?’

Image via Wikipedia

If I enjoy a book or film I can read or watch them over and over.  Ender’s Game and The West Wing are so familiar to me, we’re practically in a relationship.

Having devoured the Hub’s Christmas present from me to him – the Twilight trilogy DVD box set – I was desperate to see the fourth film, Breaking Dawn Part One.  It was on in the cinemas in January, though it had been out for a while.  He promised to take me.

Small problem: you need to mortgage the house to afford cinema tickets, and we don’t own our house.  We had to use Orange Wednesday – our mobile phone service provider gives us two-for-one on cinema tickets on Wednesdays, if we send them a begging text.

Small problem: Manchester City were in some football cup competition and all their matches were scheduled for Wednesday nights on the telly.

Small problem: the movie was only on in the evenings.

Hub problem: watch the match or please the wife?

I was never going to win that battle.

By the third week the Hub had promised that if City played the following Wednesday, we’d pawn Spud and pay full price Thursday tickets.  I decided not to leave him after all.

Small problem: when I checked cinema times the following Thursday…the film had finished its run.

Hub problem: how to placate an enraged wife?  Promise to buy her the DVD the MOMENT it is released.

The Breaking Dawn Part One DVD comes out today (I can’t believe they didn’t mention it on the morning news).  The Hub is revving the car as I type.