Tag Archives: Church Announcements

Joke 958

6 Nov

More church notices, thanks to Charlie.

Funny Church Signs

Funny Church Signs (Photo credit: au_tiger01)

  • Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
  • Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  • Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
  • The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours’.
  • The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
  • The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

    church sign

    church sign (Photo credit: chiptape)

  • The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
  • The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
  • The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
  • The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
  • The speaker for tonight’s meeting will be pinned to the notice board.
  • This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
  • Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
  • The Lutheran men’s group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Joke 957

5 Nov
Funny Church Signs

Funny Church Signs (Photo credit: au_tiger01)

Church Bulletins are back! Thanks to Charlie at Read Between The Minds.

You may recognise a few but they are worth repeating.

  • A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
  • Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.”
  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
  • Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
  • During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
  • Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  • For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  • Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
  • Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

    Funny Church Signs

    Funny Church Signs (Photo credit: au_tiger01)

  • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
  • Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  • Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
  • Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
  • Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Joke 465

1 Jul

Thanks to Pseu for these.  If you like good photography, good poetry and interesting tales about life, check her out.

 

English: St Matthews Parish Church, Edgeley

English: St Matthews Parish Church, Edgeley (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

  • The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
  • The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
  • Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale.  It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.  Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
  • Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
  • Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  • For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  • Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  • Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
  • The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
  • Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
  • The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
  • This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
  • Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
  • The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
  • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
  • The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance.
  • The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.
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