Tag Archives: Competition

I’m Hormoanal

6 Feb

My sincere intention to blog weekly fell by the wayside due to ongoing health issues (annoying but not calamitous); but this is something I must share:

My first* collection is published tomorrow, February 7th, by Matthew James Publishing.

*Ever the optimist

According to MJP, my 

signature biting wit and incredible relatability will have you laughing one minute and sympathising the next.

I can live with that. And with this, in particular: 

This collection of sharp, confident, and witty feminist poetry is the voice of the everyday woman putting the world to rights and deserves to be read by everyone.


To celebrate its publication, I’m having a book launch at Stockport War Memorial Art Gallery on Saturday 9th, from 2-4pm, to which every single person I know or have ever known is invited. (I’m also hosting a free writing workshop beforehand, but I’m sad/happy to report that it’s fully booked.)Image result for stockport art gallery

MJP have made two of my dreams come true: ‘Publish a book’ has finally been crossed off my bucket list, but a long held desire can now safely be admitted to: when studying A Level English at the local college back in 1998, I came across a video in the library on the sublime poet Grace Nichols. It followed her around as she did various things like readings and visiting interesting places, and there is a moment when she shows her passport at border control, and her occupation is described as ‘poet’. That moment resonated with me, such that I longed to be able describe my own occupation as ‘poet’.

Though I don’t claim to be in the same league as Ms Nichols, from tomorrow, I can.

Author copies! Did you know they give you some for free??

The book is lighthearted and accessible, especially to those with no interest in poetry.

I’m offering a free copy to the person who leaves the best menopause joke in the comments (closing date February 28th 2019). I’ll post to anywhere in the world. The Hub will judge, for two reasons: it’s fun to make him squirm; and he is notorious for barely cracking a smile at what I think is hilarious. If you can make him laugh, you win.

Finally, a taster: here’s the title poem:

For Books’ Sake

5 Jun

Look what I won in a For Books’ Sake competition!


Free books – life doesn’t get any better.  🙂

Joke 740

2 Apr

Signs (Photo credit: Mike Cattell)

A retailer was dismayed when a competitor selling the same type of product opened next door, displaying a large sign proclaiming, Best Deals.

Not long after, he was horrified to find yet another competitor move in on the other side of his store. Its large sign was even more disturbing: Lowest Prices.

After his initial panic and concern that he would be driven out of business, he looked for a way to turn the situation to his marketing advantage. Finally, an idea came to him. Next day, he proudly unveiled a new and huge sign over his front door. It read, Main Entrance.

From googlejoke.com.


The Christmas Joke Competition Winner…

13 Dec



Image via Wikipedia


…and now my mortal enemy (forcing me to give up Maltesers like that), is…

…no!  Wait!  I’d better tell you how the judge arrived at her decision: 

She got the Hub to choose.

It was like this: I asked you to send me jokes; you did.  I asked that they make me laugh; they did.  I know you all; I like you all; I couldn’t decide on one winner without worrying about those I didn’t choose.  I’m like that; I’ve never yet watched a sports event without feeling sorry for the losers.  I understand the need for competition but it’s not for me.  When it came to choosing the winner of my own competition (a good idea at the time; never again; far too much stress), I wimped out. 

The Hub is made of sterner stuff.  I c+p all entries onto a Word document, anonymously, and let him loose on them.  He knows my love of puns so he went with the one pun that made him laugh – he’s not a fan of puns; did I mention that?  He has a good sense of humour but he doesn’t laugh constantly and inanely like his wife; he’s particular in his chuckle habit.  That’s why he chose the one pun that made him laugh.

You may have read it already, either in the comments or in this morning’s joke post.  It was submitted by Wee Scoops.  Well done!

Readers, if the joke is not to your taste, please bear in mind that humour is subjective and the judges’ decision is final.  Maybe.  I’m down one box of Maltesers; I could be persuaded.

Sadly, Wee Scoops lives in Scotland.  I say ‘sadly’ because I had hoped to send Maltesers off to foreign climes, introducing them to the ignorant, forcing them on people who don’t know they need or want them, rather like when we Brits had an empire.  It’s not always a good idea to foist your own particular loves onto others, however; that’s how they end up smashing you at your own game at the World Cup (1966 aside), the Ashes, the Rugby World Cup, Wimbledon…do I need to go on?

Congratulations, Wee Scoops.  Would you consider emigrating?

Your Maltesers will be on their way as soon as you send me your address.  Or I could just post a pound to you and you could buy your own, next time you’re in the pound shop.

Thanks to everyone who entered; sorry you didn’t win.  If I had the money, I’d send you all a box of Maltesers.* 

*You believe that? I bet you still believe in Father Christmas as well, don’t you? Bless.

I’ll be using your jokes in the run-up to Christmas; acknowledging the source, of course.  I may be cheap but I’m always scrupulous.

This was fun!  Let’s never do it again. 





A Christmas Competition

3 Dec

Here’s a new departure for this blog: I am going to ask for your help, but this time I’m willing to pay for it – just one of you, mind!  And only because it’s Christmas.

I need CLEAN Christmas jokes and/or cartoons. 

That’s it. 

Leave them in the comments section of this post until next Saturday.  The one I judge the funniest will win the prize of…here’s the kicker…a box of Maltesers.  A SMALL box, of course.    I will post them to anywhere in the world, providing you give me a contact address when I ask for it.

The winning joke/cartoon will be the one that makes me laugh loudest.  Any jokes or cartoons I use for the December daily joke post will have the source acknowledged i.e. I’ll mention your blog and/or name.

Go ahead.  Make my Christmas day.


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