Tag Archives: Cooking

Cooking The Prompts

13 Feb

You’re at the beach, lounging on your towel, when a glistening object at the water’s edge catches your eye. It’s a bottle — and yes, it contains a message. What does it say?

Drink Me.  Oh, wait…you’re not Alice.  Damn rabbit!

*

Tell us about something you’ve tried to quit.

Blogging.

Did you go cold turkey, or for gradual change?

Cold turkey.  It was Christmas.

Did it stick?

What do you think?

What’s the one item in your kitchen you can’t possibly cook without? A spice, your grandma’s measuring cup, instant ramen — what’s your magic ingredient, and why?

The Hub.  If he’s not there, cheering me on and hugging me through my failures, I go to pieces.  I once incinerated a pack of chippolata sausages because he was in another country instead of my kitchen.  I have to burn food so I know when it’s cooked (I was one of the few people to take notice of all those safety adverts as a child).  I need the Hub there to tell me when ‘burnt to a cinder’ is too much.

What’s instant ramen?

*

You’ve been granted magical engineering skills, but you can only use them to build one gadget or machine. What do you build?

Star Trek TNG‘s food replicator.  

But then I wouldn’t need the Hub…what to do, what to do?

*

What’s the household task you most dislike doing? Why do you think that is — is it the task itself, or something more?

Previous answers refer.

*

Write a post that includes dialogue between two people — other than you. 

A True Story, almost

The Hub: Where’s your Mum?

Tory Boy: In bed.

The Hub: Where are the boiled eggs?

Tory Boy: On the ceiling.

The Hub: She cooked?

What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned from the person you’re the closest to?

To leave the cooking to him.

Actually, not any more; his M.E. means that he can’t cook these days.

So I guess the lesson is, marry someone rich enough to afford takeaways.

*

It’s January 26. Write a post in which the number 26 plays a role.

Hello?  I’d like to order a Number 26, two 14s and a 32, please.

*

Tell us about the nicest thing you’ve ever done.

Stopped cooking for my family.

*

If you could fast forward to a specific date in the future, when would it be?

The day the replicator is finally invented.

*

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Joke 970

18 Nov
Foto de Larry

Foto de Larry (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Two bachelors went out for dinner.

The conversation drifted from the office to sports to politics and then to cooking.

“I got a cook book once” said Larry. “But I couldn’t do anything with it.”

“Too much fancy stuff in it, huh?” asked Frank.

“You said it, Larry replied, nodding. “Every one of those recipes began the same way: “Take a clean plate…” 

&

From ajokeaday.com

How We Do Christmas Oop North

24 Dec

 

 

Beginning t’look a lot like Christmas

The apple, rhubarb and meat pies are baked and sitting snug in the fridge and freezer; the turkey is in the oven; the gammon will follow; fairy cakes still to be made but sausage rolls are done; veg, roasties, mash and Yorkshire puds will be cooked fresh tomorrow, along with the gravy; roasties will be cooked in turkey and gammon fat; gravy will be made from the stock. 

I finally realised: I can cook

The cupboards are bursting with goodies; the tree is listing slightly under the number of presents waiting to be unwrapped tomorrow morning; all gifts not for us have been sent out; first-born son and lovely nephew will be here by eight, at the latest; Dr Who set to record, just in case.  Ironing is up-to-date; washing washed and drying, ready to be put away; the house is clean.

One or two things to do

  • Change the beds – we must get into freshly made beds on Christmas Eve; I don’t know why.  It’s the law. 
  • Visit Dad at the cemetery.  He hates being left out.
  • Go to the Christingle at four. 
  • Open a bottle of wine.
  • Relax!

*

If you don’t celebrate this particular festival, I wish you a happy and relaxing holiday period; but to those who do,

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas!

Today’s Six Word Saturday was brought to you by the number ’24’ and the letter ‘wine’.

Joke 206

16 Oct

I wouldn’t say I was a bad cook but when my son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grab forks and follow him.

I’ve Been Re-possessed

26 Sep

As regular reader knows, from time to time I vacate The Laughing Housewife premises to let a real writer talk about their new book.  Today it is the turn of…

…Musician, Nemo James:

Born and based in England, Nemo James worked as a professional musician and singer/songwriter for more than 30 years. He now lives in Croatia with his wife Federika and their cat Jutko, who is becoming intolerable following his rise to fame on Youtube.

The book: Just A Few Seconds.

The story of one man’s experience in the music business. It is an amusing and true story of a successful freelance musician whose gigs ranged from private parties, to the rich and famous, to the roughest London pubs, where playing the wrong song at the wrong time meant the difference between life and death. He takes more twists, turns and knocks than a mouse trapped in a pinball machine.  The ending shows how the road to success can lead us down the strangest and most desolate of paths.

If you are looking for the usual rock star memoirs full of sex, drugs and rock and roll, then this book is not for you; if you are interested in a unique insight into the music business that reads like a thriller, then this book won’t disappoint.

nemo3

Cooking Tips from Nemo James

Since the publication of my book Just A Few Seconds, several people have emailed me to ask whether my cooking has improved since the chapter entitled A Recipe For Shoestrings. In it, I wrote how during a very difficult time in my life, I was living on a budget of £1 a day for food. Some people are able to do wonders with £1 spent wisely on ingredients but I am definitely not one of them. I was not only on a shoestring budget, my meals actually tasted like shoestrings.

Then I met and married Federika who, apart from being amazing and gorgeous, is also a fantastic cook specialising in dishes from all corners of the globe, but particularly from Peru, where she grew up. I am never going to win any awards for my cooking but she has taught me a lot and in particular shared that secret that all you crafty cooks have been keeping to yourselves all these years: The Kitchen Timer

Until I discovered the kitchen timer I used to use a smoke alarm to tell me when my food was cooked. In a terraced house in the UK it was not a problem as I would always put the smoke alarm within easy reach so I could turn it off quickly. But one day, while I was living in Los Angeles, I was heating up a lovely chocolate muffin for my breakfast when the phone rang with a call from a prospective agent. I completely forgot about the muffin until the smoke alarm went off but, being accustomed to this event, I continued talking to the agent whilst removing the muffin from the oven and jumping up and down on a chair, trying to blow cold air onto the alarm. As most of the buildings in L.A. are made of wood everyone is paranoid about fire so just as I thought I had everything under control and had the agent interested the building manager started banging on my door and screaming at me to let him in. I never realised cooking could be so difficult.

Here are a few more tips that I have discovered that I would like to pass on:

  • Using an apron means that cooking doesn’t always require a change of clothes.
  • The oil you use for cooking is different to the type you use in your car.
  • Oven gloves save a lot of pain.
  • Keeping the kitchen floor clean from grease means you don’t have to wear a crash helmet while you cook.
  • When breaking an egg it is better to use the edge of a knife than a hammer.
  • A baguette is not a small shopping bag.
  • You don’t get black eyed beans by punching normal beans.
  • You can’t make white sugar go brown by leaving it in the sun all day.
  • Crab apple is not a seafood.
  • Hitting a halibut with a hammer doesn’t make it a flatfish.
  • You can’t scald pasta by telling it off.
  • Molasses are not moles’ bottoms.
  • Strong currants in Muesli are not dangerous.
  • There is no such thing as Semolina poisoning.
  • If you are running short of Tofu for that special dinner party, try adding half a litre of water to a roll of toilet paper and blend in with one large packet of wallpaper paste. No one will ever know the difference.

If you have a cooking tip you would like to share with others please leave them in the comments.

Nemo James banner

For reviews and other information visit Pump Up Your Book.

Nemo James’ website and blog.

Nemo James’  You Tube videos.

The Best Meal I Ever Cooked

5 Sep
Full course dinner

Image via Wikipedia

‘Best’ is a relative term, of course: I’ve told you before that the Hub says things like ‘If I can’t smell burning, we’re having salad.’  You may think he’s cruel but he and I both know the truth.  If he can’t smell burning then we are having salad.

I could tell you about my many mediocre meals and cooking cock-ups, but you’ve heard it all before.  Instead, I will tell you about the best compliment I ever received about my food.

My sister-in-law and her husband were over here in the UK from South Africa.  The exchange rate that way to this is horrendous and they had to be careful with their money.  They weren’t thrilled then, when, on a grand tour of the relatives, every family they visited insisted on going out for a meal and letting them pay for their own.

By the time they got to us, they had as little money as we do.  I crossed my fingers and cooked up a feast fit for an average day at t’mill.  I can’t remember what was in it but I can guarantee meat, potatoes and three veg, minimum (potatoes don’t count as veg any more, according to the government, who don’t include it in the recommended five-a-day).

My brother-in-law ate his portion.  And seconds; and thirds.  Then he sat back in his chair and said, ‘That’s the best meal I’ve had in England.’

Six years on, I’m still glowing.  Rather like the Geiger counter in my kitchen.

*

For Viewfromtheside’s prompt.

Joke 162

2 Sep

I wouldn’t say I was a bad cook but my children were suspended from school for trying to smuggle toxic waste in their lunch bags.

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