Tag Archives: Cough

Joke 826

27 Jun
"Coughs and Sneezes Spread Diseases - As ...

“Coughs and Sneezes Spread Diseases – As Dangerous as Poison Gas Shells”. U.S. Public Health ad on dangers of Spanish Flu epidemic during World War I. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The pharmacist walked into his store to find a guy leaning against the wall in obvious discomfort. He asked the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?”

The clerk replied, “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find any cough syrup, so I gave him a bottle of laxative.”

The pharmacist yelled, “You can’t treat a cough with a laxative!”

The clerk responded, “Of course you can! Look at him. He’s afraid to cough.”

*

Thanks to Grannymar for this one.

 

Christmas = Boxing Day

26 Dec
Cough and the Common Cold

Image by RobertFrancis via Flickr Cough and the Common Cold

 

Thank you to everyone who visited me yesterday.  I’m sorry I couldn’t return the favour – when I wasn’t unwrapping presents, cooking or eating, I was feeling ill and fighting with my family.

I was ill last week with a head cold, but the worst head cold I’ve ever had.  I’ve never been incapacitated by a cold before, but on Wednesday I was fit for nothing except lying on the couch and groaning intermittently.  In bed by seven, I had the best night’s sleep for a week, and felt much better on Thursday.  Friday I cleaned up a frenzy and Christmas Eve I was happily preparing for a great Christmas Day.

About six p.m., my throat felt a little sore.  By ten, I was aching all over.  I had a dreadful night: too hot, too cold, aching, coughing.  I was not alone: the Hub and Spud had equally bad nights.  Tory Boy has been working sixty-hour weeks and can’t see through his bloodshot eyes, and our house guest has issues of his own. 

Yesterday was a bit of a blur for all of us.  I remember holding back tears over undercooked brussels sprouts and carrots, though the other seven vegetables were fine; the Hub and I almost came to blows over the wrong-sized roast potatoes; and the use of a camera to record the happy day was the subject of furious disagreement.  On the plus side, I made my best Yorkshire puddings yet, though they did look like those mushrooms that grow out of the sides of trees.

I went to bed for an hour after dinner, got up for Dr Who (we always watch it as a family), and then back to bed.  I slept to nine this morning – unheard of!  I feel a lot better although I’m coughing more.  Spud has gone to the sales with his brother and cousin, coughing all the way and spreading the Christmas germ.  The Hub woke me up to stop me snoring, so I assume he had another terrible night.

Never before did the word, Humbug!  have such meaning.  They really soothe my throat.

 

Mrs Chestikoff Has Entered The Building

2 May

I don’t mind the coughing so much; it’s the loss of bladder control that’s upsetting.  Not to mention the extra washing.  Still, the streaming nose and eyes seem to have abated a little, though I was bad yesterday.  I made sandwiches and it was a case of butter bread – blow nose – wash hands – butter bread – blow nose – wash hands – butter nose – blow hands – wash bread – butter wash – nose bread – hands blow.  It got a little tedious and I was fainting with hunger by the time I’d made them; then I didn’t finish mine because I’ve got no taste at the moment and it was like eating a McDonald’s.  I’ll be glad when I’m back to my normal, healthy self and I can stop boring you with my woes.

The thing about a cold, of course, is that you are not ill enough to lie on the couch and watch tv all day without criticism from your dirty, starving family; so I still had to walk the dog.  He didn’t like delivering leaflets at first; I think he found it a bit dull.  Thankfully, he made his deposit in the street and not in someone’s garden.  I had to juggle it  a bit because I had him on the lead, a bag of leaflets and his bag of poo in one hand, and used my other hand to open and close gates and negotiate stiff  letter boxes.  I made an elaborate showing of picking up the mess so that everyone would know I was a responsible dog-owning Conservative.  It didn’t occur to me until I got home that the solution for a full left hand is not to pop a bag of dog poo into the same bag of leaflets that I was posting through voters’ doors.   Good job I double-knotted it.

I was supposed to be at a family christening this morning but I didn’t want to spoil it by spluttering germs all over the baby.  I could have gone to my own church instead but most of the congregation is elderly and I don’t want to decimate it.  I opted to lie on the couch and watch tv, catching up with last night’s Over The Rainbow.  Although Steph is my favourite, I thought this performance from Jessica was the best one of the night:

I don’t really see her as Dorothy but I could definitely see her as Sally Bowles.  Jessica has also been ill this week but gave a fantastic performance; it left me thinking that if she can put on a show like that, the least I can do is get dressed before three.  I ought to make an effort anyway, because it is Toby’s second birthday.  He will be celebrating with a load of tasty treats, a walk and a bath.  It is also the birthday of one of my favourite sisters-in-law – happy birthday, Ann!  I wonder if she will be celebrating in the same way?

 

 

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