Hoo-Ray!

So glad to see Ray Quinn win the last-ever Dancing On Ice.  Incredible to think he’s an amateur.  Here’s his Bolero:

My favourite skate:

His solo skate:

What am I going to do now DOI has finished forever?  Sad face.

I guess I’ll have to watch Strictly.  Sadder face.

Coughsnotty And A Poll

Toilet roll holder (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You know those times when you are there but not all there?  (Don’t say that’s just me)  That’s how I’ve been this week in the blogging world.

Sorry the posts have been weak and unfunny.  I don’t know if it’s because this is a particularly nasty bug or because it takes longer to recover as we get older, but my head hasn’t been in the game.  Mostly, it’s been buried in a box of tissues (and then a toilet roll, when the tissues ran out).

I thought I was feeling better yesterday: I showered, walked the dogs and cooked a proper meal.  Then I collapsed into bed in the afternoon, too weak to watch Dancing On Ice while catching up on comments.

I’m fed up with myself and to add to my misery, a couple of commenters mentioned that Word Ads have appeared on my blog.  I haven’t signed up to them so I must investigate.  That’s where the poll comes in:

I tried signing out of my blog to look for myself, but I can’t see any adverts.  If you answered ‘Yes’, would you mind leaving a comment saying where they appear?

I need to know so I can kick up a fuss.  As soon as I have the energy to raise my leg.

 

Joke 655

Dancing On Ice started again last night, so here are a couple of ice skating jokes.  They’re not very good.  You can have mean and funny or not mean and not particularly funny.

*

Q: How is music like ice skating?

A: If you don’t C sharp you’ll B flat.

***

Tara Lipinski’s tiny dress (Photo credit: litlnemo)

“This week 15-year-old gold medalist Tara Lipinski made a lot of news. She is now going to be advertising a figure skating Barbie doll. This will be the first Barbie ad where under the spokesperson’s picture it says ‘actual size.”

(From: Conan O’Brien 3/4/98)

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/sportsjokes/skatingjokes.html

 

Tilly Bud Is Impressed

 

Image via Wikipedia

 

It’s hard to believe we’re only in week 4 of Dancing On Ice.  Check this out (the girl in black and the guy in silver are the amateurs):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vt5yHzq98VU

Sorry it doesn’t appear here; I still can’t show You Tube videos and the WordPress techies don’t know why, without visiting me at my home and disassembling my computer.

Vanilla Nice!

Here’s something I never expected to see:

Woo-hoo!

Dancing On Ice starts tonight – all’s right with my world.  Remember this?

Gimme Six!

Hayley and Dan were fantastic this week on Dancing On Ice.  Just watch this:

 

Dancing Off Ice

I felt sorry for poor Emily being voted off last night’s Dancing on Ice; she looked gutted.  It was the right decision, though, in spite of that terrifying lift.  There’s no You Tube video or I’d show it to you – suffice it to say it involved Fred’s hands and Emily’s thighs and a whole lot of air between her and the ice floor.  She was really brave, but she’s not  a great skater.

Mikey was lucky not to be in the skate-off; he needs to do better lifts if he wants to stay in the competition.

I loved Hayley and Dan’s skate on Valentine’s Day.  I’m not a romantic but I thought it was wonderful:

I wish I could show you Kieron’s performance from last week; his best so far.  You can check it out at this link: http://dancingonice.itv.com/2010/WatchVideo/week-seven/week-7-kieron-brianne-1549 

He really made me laugh: Chris and Jayne played his song, The Buzzcocks’ Ever Fallen In Love and Kieron didn’t know it.  Chris said, ‘It’s punk’ and Kieron replied, ‘Punk who?’ 

I feel old.

I can’t bring you Kieron so here’s the next best thing:

I Killed A Phone And I Liked It

We have had Toby a year today. He is a different dog to the one we bought, and we are a different family to the one that collected him. We all dote on him and he has us wrapped around his little paws, as you may have noticed by my regular, gushing posts. Please send all congratulatory and anniversary cards to Besotted of Stockport.

It’s fortunate for me that it is his anniversary because it has put the Hub in a good mood. I needed him to be in a good mood when I told him that I had accidentally put my mobile phone in the washing machine (on a hot wash, if you’re interested). It’s not that I’m afraid of the Hub or his regular temperamental rages – nothing a good whack over the head with a framed photograph can’t sort out; but that’s a story for another day – it is that he’s getting a bit tired of mopping up after my idiocy…did I ever mention the time I ironed the kitchen carpet?

When we moved into this house it had a manky old carpet on the dining room side of the kitchen. We acquired a small piece of carpet (our parents were dropping like flies at that point; one of the reasons why we can’t move in this house for second-hand furniture and sentimental knickknacks) and it sat in the loft for a couple of years until the Hub had recovered from the exertion of putting it up there. Tory Boy was now big enough to help and he moved the heavy furniture, etc., and helped his Dad lay the carpet. I joke about the Hub, but his CFS/ME means that a small job like laying a little carpet knocks him flat for a couple of weeks, so I appreciated the effort he had made. Pity I didn’t appreciate that he knew what he was talking about when he said a flat ‘no’ to my suggestion of ironing the creases out of the new carpet; it would flatten out with use, he assured me. Not trusting he was right, and being an impatient soul, when he was in bed I sneaked into the kitchen and got out the steam iron. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I had started in a hidden corner but, noooo, I had to start in the middle of the floor. The moment I pressed my hot little iron on my new nylon carpet I knew I had made a terrible mistake. To avoid righteous and dreadful retribution, I was forced to work myself into a state of hysteria and fling myself on the Hub’s mercy. He was asleep at the time and got the fright of his life at being woken by a sobbing wife clutching a hot iron and babbling about how sorrysorrysorryshewasthatsheneverlistenedtohimandhewasright andshewaswrongandshewassoverysorrysorrysorry. He was simply relieved, once he had translated my babblespeak, to know there was nothing wrong with the boys; a little carpet burn was therefore not a big deal.

The burn sits there still, many years later, reproaching me each time I enter the kitchen; though now joined by a friend – the second burn caused by me accidentally dropping the iron when I was using it one day. I did float the idea to the Hub that I could cover the carpet with iron scorches and disguise it as a pattern, but I thought it best to acquiesce when he screamed a negative as he danced like a flea in a rage.

This is just one of my many screw-ups over the years, so you can see why I was a little apprehensive about confessing to the Hub about my sparkling clean but unusable phone. I wish I had thought to blame Spud, for he it was who left it in his trouser pocket. He had borrowed it when he went out to play footsnowball – his own phone being too valuable to take outside when playing – and forgotten to put it back. He knows I’m too idle to check pockets when I load the washing machine, my family having become used to shredded tissue over the years (indeed, they enjoy the element of risk I bring to wash day).

I discovered my poor, sodden phone as I hung up the wet washing and I freely confess I was tempted to say nothing and let my deluded husband try to fix it in a couple of days, when it might have dried out. I resolved on this as Hayley (Delilah Dingle as was) impressed on Dancing on Ice. As Alex destroyed the snowman in Celebrity Big Brother, however, it suddenly occurred to me (along with the realisation that I have become strangely addicted to reality tv) that the first thing the Hub would do was try to charge my phone: even I know that water and electricity don’t mix outside of an appliance. I don’t fancy going to prison for manslaughter (I hear they make you do cleaning) so I had to ‘fess up. Annoyingly, he was nice about it. I had a whole raft of self-exculpatory reasons for him not to divorce me that I had prepared during the DOI skate-off I had taped to watch after CBB, and nowhere to use them.

I’ll save them for my next cock-up.