Tag Archives: Doctors

Joke 928

7 Oct
He hasn't noticed yet.

He hasn’t noticed yet. (Photo credit: Nathan McCoy)

A group of doctors were out duck hunting, when a large bird flew overhead.

The family doctor raised his gun to shoot, but then lowered his gun saying, “I am not sure that is a duck.”

The psychiatrist raised his gun, but then lowered it again saying, “I know it’s a duck, but I’m not sure that it knows it’s a duck.”

The surgeon raised his gun and blasted the bird out of the sky. He turned to the pathologist and said, “Go see if that was a duck.”


From ajokeaday.com

Joke 512

17 Aug

From Will & Guy.

Doctors can be so frustrating.

You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and when he examines you he says, “I wish you’d come to me sooner.”

Joke 304

22 Jan

Not jokes, exactly; but I’m not convinced they’re true.  Thanks to Sarsm, anyway!

What The Doctor  Wrote: the following quotes were taken  from actual medical records as dictated by physicians.

  • By the time he was admitted, his  rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
  • Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
  • On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
  • She has had no rigors or shaking  chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
  • The patient has been depressed ever  since she began seeing me in 1983.
  • Patient was released to outpatient  department without dressing. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before  standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall  to the floor.
  • The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
  • Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
  • The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. ***** to dispose of him.
  • Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  • The patient refused an autopsy.
  • The patient has no past history of  suicides.
  • The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
  • Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
  • The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past  three days.
  • She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
  • The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
  • The patient had waffles for breakfast  and anorexia for lunch.
  • The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
  • Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.
  • She is numb from her toes down.
  • Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
  • Patient was alert and  unresponsive.
  • When she fainted, her eyes rolled  around the room. 
  • Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

Joke 149

20 Aug

This one is courtesy of WonderfullyWired Photo


A man walks into a doctor’s surgery with a carrot up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

He asks the doctor why he is continually sick and the doctor answers, “Because you’re not eating properly.”


There’s No Business Like Snow Business

23 Dec

Ghosts of Christmas past

I was too busy to blog yesterday.  I have packed so much into the last two days I can’t believe it’s not next week.  I have had doctor’s appointments and dentist’s appointments: no details for you, but let’s just say that the turkey isn’t the only bird this Christmas to have people rummaging around its orifices.  I have bought last-minute gifts, groceries and enough cakes to stop a French revolution.   I have been visitor and visitee and wined about it.  I have walked through mountains of snow without falling down; and taken my son and his friend sledding.  I even had a go myself, which was fun and utterly undignified.  I have eaten free toast in Stockport before ten in the morning: I met a Writing Friend and we exchanged gifts and Christmas horror stories: Had to queue for two minutes at the supermarket; ridiculous!  Took a child shopping and regretted it.  Was forced to drink copious amounts of alcohol and enjoy myself in order to be a good hostess; it’s so unfair.  My WF gives me a lift to our writing class and won’t accept petrol, saying I should just buy her a coffee instead.  I finally got the chance to do it yesterday.  She very fortunately chose a cafe that offers two free rounds of toast with each brew sold before ten, which made me look generous but only cost me £3.  I like those kinds of deals. 

Today is Christmas Cleaning Day.  I always spend Christmas Eve Eve cleaning, getting all washing and ironing out-of-the-way, making sure I don’t have to do anything but cook and enjoy myself for about five days.  You may not know this, but I don’t like cooking as a rule, but Christmas cooking has a festive spirit (largely brought on by a glass or three of wine) that marks it out as quite different.  I cook the meat on Christmas Eve because I refuse to spend all of Christmas Day in the kitchen, no matter how good the wine.  The Hub carves it all up and I just have to warm some on Christmas Day when I cook the vegetables.  Also, it means the juices have had time to set and the fat has risen to the top, giving delicious roast potatoes. 

I am suddenly starving hungry; I don’t know why.  See you tomorrow!

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