Tag Archives: Drunk

Joke 807

8 Jun

alcohol injury

Image taken from Answer It’s blog.

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SIGNS THAT YOU’RE A DRUNK

  • You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
  • You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.
  • Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.
  • Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
  • You fall off the floor.
  • That damn pink elephant followed you home again.
  • You have a reserved parking space at the bottle store.
  • Your career won’t progress beyond Member of Parliament.

From jokes.com

 

Joke 643

26 Dec
Drunk Zebra Crossing near British Museum

Drunk Zebra Crossing near British Museum (Photo credit: Paul Nicholson)

I’ve been reading some statistics on the most common way people walk when drunk.  

It’s staggering.

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Thanks to my friend Shanaz for this one.

Joke 342

29 Feb

Rodney and Wilma are woken at three o’clock one Saturday morning by a loud pounding on the door.  Rodney gets up and goes to the door where he sees a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain.

“Give us a push,” says the stranger.

“No way!” says Rodney, “It’s three o’clock in the morning.”  He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asks Wilma.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?”

“No, I didn’t. It’s three o’clock in the morning, it’s pouring with rain, and he shouldn’t be driving, anyway.”

Wilma says, “Don’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him; besides, there’s no one on the roads at this time of night.”

Rodney knows when he’s beaten.  He dresses and goes out into the rain. He calls out in the dark, “Hello! Are you still there?”

“Yes,” replies the drunk.

“Do you still need a push?” calls Rodney.

“Yes, please,” is the reply.

“Where are you?” asks Rodney.

“Over here, on the swing.”

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