Tag Archives: Funny

Two Funnies

13 Apr

Related image

No time to write so I’ll borrow instead. Read these somewhere on t’internet and thought I’d share.

A Joke

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”

“No, go right ahead,” the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says, “Plethora,” and sits back down.

“Thanks,” the woman says, “that means a lot.”

From @AllieLia

A Happy Coincidence

From @invisibleman_17

 

Happy Friday!

 

 

Joke 859

30 Jul

A man walks into the doctor’s office.   He has a banana stuck in one ear, celery in the other and a carrot up one nostril.

The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?”

The doctor replies, “It’s obvious: you need to start eating sensibly.” 

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Source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/foodjokes/asparagusjokes.html

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That old, bad joke was really the introduction to the following funnies, which I lifted from Answer It’s blog:

cheese

chocolate and upset woman

cookie

cooking shows

You should think about visiting; her tagline is: 

Funny pictures & cartoons to make you smile.

Six Down; Eighty-Seven To Go

2 May

I’m a little behind in answering the daily prompts – about 93 prompts behind, if I’m honest.  So here goes:

At noon today, take a pause in what you’re doing or thinking about. Make a note of it, and write a post about it later.

12:00  Mmm, lunch!

12:02:  Mmm, lunch was delicious!

Hot dog eating a hot dog

Hot dog eating a hot dog (Photo credit: interpunct)

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Head to your favorite online news source. Pick an article with a headline that grabs you. Now, write a short story based on the article. 

From Sky News:  Cannibalism Confirmed At Early US Settlements

Summary: Jamestown residents eat 14 year-old girl after difficult winter.

We’ve had a difficult winter, haven’t we Spud?

Mmm…lunch…

*

What role does music play in your life?

It often accompanies lunch.

But what it really wants to do is direct.

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Read the story of Richard Parker and Tom Dudley.  [Shipwrecked sailors dine on dying cabin boy] Is what Dudley did defensible? What would you have done?

I plead the Fifth.  I will say, however, that if I had been there, which I quite possibly was because the report says Tilly succeeded in obtaining bail, that I’d have been cleared on the grounds that it would drive any Tilly insane to have to go for more than four hours without food.

 *

Invent a definition for the word “flangiprop,” then use the word in a post. 

 Flangiprop: 

An open, tartlike pastry, 
the shell of which is baked 
in a bottomless band of metal
on a baking sheet, 
removed from the ring 
and filled with custard, cream, fruit, etc.  
It has a gelatinous base.
*
Mmm, dessert was delicious!
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Reincarnation: do you believe in it?
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Not at all.
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Though I did in a previous life.
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Joke 722

15 Mar
  • A will is a dead giveaway.

    Hand banana in all his glory

    Hand banana in all his glory (Photo credit: Sappymoosetree)

  • Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
  • A backward poet writes inverse.
  • A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
  • When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
  • The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
  • You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
  • The calendar’s days are numbered.
  • The boiled egg is hard to beat.
  • He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
  • Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
  • When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
  • If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
  • Acupuncture: a jab well done.
  • I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
  • She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
  • A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
  • No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
  • A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
  • A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Thanks to my friend Pam for forwarding this email doing the rounds.

Season Hiatus Filler

13 Mar
funny_cats_a_023

funny_cats_a_023 (Photo credit: DrJohnBullas)

Some of you might be finding the Telly Tales rather jejune, so here’s a little something to brighten your day:

I found it on Kittybloger.  If you like cats and, in particular, funny cats, it’s the blog for you.

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Yesterday’s word was ‘irrefragable’: not be disputed or contested.

I think it’s a good word; don’t you?

funny_cats_a_013

funny_cats_a_013 (Photo credit: DrJohnBullas)

Two Snowflake Panic Attack

8 Feb
Smile!

Smile! (Photo credit: GREATONE!)

The searches which find my blog were rather dull in the run-up to Christmas, but they picked up again in January.

Here are some of my favourites.

You’ve Come To The Right Place

  • saggy women
  • camel-butt-shaped-girl
  • crazy person smiling
  • images of people frustrated in front of their computers
  • screw funny
  • husband and wife arguing

Makes Sense

  • disney characters taught us the wrong things
  • annoyed switchboard operator
  • receptionists rule
  • kid got bit on butt by donkey
  • sandra bullock sex change

Say What?

  • ugliest fog

    Donkey Butt

    Donkey Butt (Photo credit: Gallery32/ Trina Baker)

  • martin man with messed up teeth
  • famous armpits
  • mona lisa spaceship
  • two snowflake panic attack
  • huge yellow anaconda for sale
  • dear parents quotes with something about a pipe
  • images of two lady while doing shopping of gold jewellery in cartoon form

I Heard What You Said But I Know What You Meant

  • midsummer night’s dream bottom makeup

Sounds Like A Good Idea

  • “belly laugh day”
  • toilet that cleans your bum
  • fly me to the moon laughing
  • cute buttocks
  • symptoms of anaemia funny

I’m Afraid To Ask

  • paintings of dead man in a coffin
  • hirsutism in hand 
  • funny gynaecology
  • hairy tube
  • disgusting toes
  • how wide can julia roberts yawn
  • harry armpit
  • longest underarm hair in the world

Weird And He Can’t Spell (You Just Know It’s A ‘He’)

  • hairy armpit fetis
  • carnoot santa

Joke 665

17 Jan

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.

English: A sleeping male baby with his arm ext...

English: A sleeping male baby with his arm extended (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Your Clothes

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your pregnancy is confirmed.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don’t bother practising because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette

1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn’s clothes, colour-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?

Worries

1st baby: At the first sign of distress – a whimper, a frown – you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Dummy/Pacifier

1st baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Nappies/Diapers

1st baby: You change your baby’s nappies every hour, whether they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their nappy every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, BabySwing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

From 101jokes.com

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