Tag Archives: Golf

Joke 706

27 Feb

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how

A pregnant woman

A pregnant woman (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.  Just make several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”

She looked at the men in the room. “And Gentlemen, remember – you’re in this together – it wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her.”

The room went quiet as the men absorbed this information.  Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

“Yes?” asked the Instructor.

“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

*

Thanks to Elaine at I Used To be Indecisive for this one.

 

Joke 356

14 Mar
English: Badgemore Park Golf Club This is one ...

Image via Wikipedia

Dear Abby,

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice.  I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs – if the home phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she hides her phone…that sort of thing.

My wife has been going out with ‘the girls’ a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, ‘Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.’ I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with ‘the girls’. It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the golf shop where I bought it?

Thanks, Jim

Joke 352

10 Mar

Two men playing golf were held up by two women playing in front of them. One man said, “I’ll go and tell them to hurry up.” 

He got halfway and came back.  When he returned he said, “I have a problem: one of the women is my wife and the other one is my mistress.” 

The second man answered, “Okay; I’ll do it.  I’ll tell them to hurry them up.” 

He got halfway and came back.  “I can’t do it, either; we have the same problem.”

 

Joke 329

16 Feb

A married couple, both avid golfers, were discussing the future one night.

“Honey,” the wife said, “if I were to die and you were to remarry, would you two live in this house?”

“I suppose so – it’s paid for.”

“How about our car?” continued the woman. “Would the two of you keep that?”

“I suppose so – it’s paid for.”

“What about my golf clubs? Would you let her use them too?”

“Heck, no,” the husband blurted out.  “She is left-handed.”

Joke 322

9 Feb

An angry golfer was on his way to carding a round of 150. He turned to his caddy and said, “You must be the worst caddy in the world!”

The caddy responded quietly, “That would be too much of a coincidence, sir.”

*

Joke 88

20 Jun

“How was your game, dear?” asked Jack’s wife, Tracy.

“Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad I couldn’t see where the ball went,” he answered.

“But you’re 75 years old, Jack!” admonished his wife, “why don’t you take my brother Scott along?”

“But he’s 85 and doesn’t play golf any more,” protested Jack.

“But he’s got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you,” Tracy pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. “Do you see it?” asked Jack.

“Yup,” Scott answered.

“Well, where is it?” yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.

“I forget.”

Joke 27

20 Apr

A wife asked, “Honey, if I died would you remarry?”

He replied, “Well, after a considerable period of grieving, we all need companionship, so I guess I would.”

She said, “If I died and you remarried, would she live in this house?”

He replied, “We’ve spent a lot of time and money getting this house just the way we want it. I’m not going to get rid of my house, so I guess she would.”

She asked, “If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, would she sleep in our bed?”

He replied, “That bed is brand new, we just paid two thousand dollars for it, it’s going to last a long time, so I guess she would.”

The wife asked, “If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?”

He replied, “Oh no, she’s left handed.”

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