Joke 553

 

From ajokeaday.com.

A Married Couple (Photo credit: josefnovak33)

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.  The doctor gave him an exam and found nothing physically wrong with him.

“If you ever expect to cure your insomnia,” the doctor said, “you need to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.”

“I’d love to,” said the man, “but my wife refuses to sleep alone.”

***

And to redress the balance, one from jokes.net.

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.  He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder.  If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die: each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.  Be pleasant at all times.  For lunch make him a nutritious meal.  For dinner prepare an especially nice meal.  Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse.  No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.  If you can do this for the next six months, I think your husband will completely regain his health.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”

“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.

 

I’m So Glad Tory Boy Has Insomnia

Image by Hrabina von Tup Tup via Flickr

The phone woke me up at the crack of dawn this morning.  The conversation went something like this:

Me: Huh?

TB: Hi Mum!

                  Me: Huh?

   Me: Huh?

             Me: Who?  Who this?

TB: It’s me.*

Me: Why are you phoning so early?

TB: You’ve blogged; I thought you were up.**

Me: What time is it?

TB: Ten-to-eight.

Me: Shriiiiieekkk.  I’ll call you back.

*

It appears I slept through my alarm.  I never sleep through my alarm so I must have forgotten to set it.  I never forget to set my alarm so I must have slept through it.  The last time I slept through my alarm I had been travelling for twenty-four hours straight and the phone woke me that time, too: it was my work, demanding to know where I was (in bed with a handsome man.  What a shame it took me twenty-three years to think of an amusing riposte).

I have no idea what happened this morning but I do know Spud was up, washed, brushed, dressed and on his way with a bag of toast by 8:05, all thanks to his insomniac brother, who had phoned to ask me to give him a wake-up call at twelve because he had only had an hour’s sleep.  Oh, the irony.

At least that answers slpmartin’s question yesterday of where my student son gets the time to control his mother’s life: he’s given up sleep for the duration.  I’m so glad.***

*

*Isn’t it funny how a mother immediately knows who ‘me’ is?  But weirdly, not until he says ‘It’s me’.

**The wonder that is the Publish Schedule button.

***Just kidding.  Honest.