Tag Archives: Insurance

Joke 832

3 Jul

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction centre, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.”

“Now,” he concluded, “which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?”

Soldier marching illustration

Soldier marching illustration (Photo credit: HikingArtist.com)

Thanks to Kaleidoscope  for letting me use this one.

Joke 716

9 Mar
rendered universal joint animation. Español: M...

rendered universal joint animation. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Motor Insurance Quotes from Claim Forms

1. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

2. I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been run over before.

3. I collided with a stationary tramcar coming the other way.

4. I consider that neither vehicle was to blame but if either were to blame it was the other one.

5. I left my Austin Seven outside and when I came out later to my amazement there was an Austin Twelve.

6. Car had to turn sharper than was necessary owing to an invisible lorry.

7. To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.

8. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.

9. The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intention.

10. The other man altered his mind so I had to run into him.

11. I told the other idiot what he was and went on.

12. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

13. I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian and the old gentleman was taken to hospital, much regretting the circumstances.

14. I thought the side window was down but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it.

15. If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.

16. She suddenly saw me, lost her head and we met.

17. Cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.

18. Three women were talking to each other and when two stepped back and one stepped forward I had to have an accident.

19. There were plenty of lookers-on but no witnesses.

20. A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.

From Will & Guy.

Joke 210

20 Oct

The barn at Larry and Susan’s farm burned down, and Susan called the insurance company.

Susan: “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.”

Agent: “Wait just a minute, Susan…it doesn’t work quite like that. We will determine the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.”

Susan, after a pause: “I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”

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