Tag Archives: John Heard

Time For Some Housekeeping

10 Feb
Action painting - own work. Somewhat similar t...

Image via Wikipedia

Well, not housekeeping so much as disparate items under an irrelevant title.  I won’t be housekeeping for a while because the dust bunnies are using the Hub’s million printers as ramparts. 

You see: there’s always a silver lining. 

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Like Phoebe’s Central Perk moment in Friends – ‘I just got that!’ – I just got what tent suppliers in marriage was after: someone was looking for a marquee for their wedding.  Or maybe a marquis?  A duke would be nice but a baron’s no good: you could never fit a couple of hundred guests in a baron. 

I accidentally typed ‘barn’, which is ridiculous: of course you can fit a couple of hundred guests in a barn.  But you have to ask the farmer first.

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On Freecycle/Freegle/RealCycle: I love it, not least because it gives me the chance to get rid of the Hub’s junk and save the planet at the same time.  But not when you get greedy people like the person yesterday who asked for a widescreen tv because the last one they got off Freecycle just broke – MUST be working with remote and in good, clean condition.  Oh, and by the way: can you deliver? 

That last one gives me the chance to re-hash for my newer readers this genuine Freecycle post that came to my inbox a couple of years ago:

Offered: One child.  

Seems they’d pressed ‘enter’ too quickly because what they meant to offer was one child’s bicycle.  I swear that’s true (are you listening, earlybird?).

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Buy The Book (2): I didn’t forget to post it yesterday; my friend asked me to hold off for a couple of days while she sorts something out. It’s in my draft box, ready to explode on to your screens like an alien in John Hurt.

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I always confuse John Hurt and John Heard.  One played Caligula and Olivander and the other a dirty cop in The Sopranos and the founder of the KKK.  One is English and one American.  One got fat, one didn’t.  One played a homosexual and the other didn’t stay home alone.  Then there’s that actor in the film about the thing, who has a similar sounding name as well.  You know who I mean…hang on, let me Google him…

John Savage. He was in The Amateur. Okay, only his first name is a little similar but I heard that a savage can hurt one; I heard that one savage can hurt a herd; and I heard that one herd can hurt a savage, so you understand my understandable confusion. 

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As this blog post is turning into one big jumbled mess, I thought you’d enjoy a Jackson Pollock as illustration (see above).

If you want to know more about Jackson Pollock, don’t read this blog post.  If you want to know more about gravy browning, do.

That’s just my way of taking your mind off the terrible mess I’m making today. Governments do the same thing, only they call them ‘wars’.

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I can’t end on a political note so here’s a joke:

A policeman parked his police van in front of the station; while gathering his equipment, his K-9 partner Tops was barking, and he saw a little boy staring in at him.  “Is that a dog you got back there?” the boy asked. “It sure is,” the policeman replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at him and towards the back of the van.

Finally he asked, “What did he do?”

Stop groaning.  I never said it was a good joke.

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