Joke 989

A Beagle dropped the Kindle he was biting and said to the Boxer,

“Go ahead take it. Call me old fashioned but I still prefer a real book.”

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A sign of the times:

I swore at the judge and he downloaded the eBook at me.

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Kindle: A popular eBook reader.

Nook: Where you hide your Kindle from your kids.

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From klerosier.com

That was SO funny!! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

More from the archive:

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The barn at Larry and Susan’s farm burned down, and Susan called the insurance company.

Susan: “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.”

Agent: “Wait just a minute, Susan…it doesn’t work quite like that. We will determine the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.”

Susan, after a pause: “I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”

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A man took his dog to the vet. 

“My dog is cross-eyed; is there anything you can do for him?” he asked.

“Well,” said the vet, “let’s take a look at him.”  He picked the dog up and examined his eyes, then checked his teeth.  Finally he said, “I’m going to have to put him down.”

“What?” asked the distraught man.  “Because he’s cross-eyed?”

“No,” replied the vet, “because he’s really heavy.”

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Two fonts walk into a bar. The barman says to them, “Get out. We don’t serve your type in here.”

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OLD IS WHEN…
Your sweetie says, ‘Let’s go upstairs and make love,’ and you answer, ‘ Pick one; I can’t do both.’

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I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest, I only intended to rough him up a bit.

bank charges ATM cash machine cartoon funny DSCN9568 (Photo credit: DrJohnBullas)

 

Joke 704

Diagonally parked in a parallel universe (Photo credit: Mark J P)

• I doubt; therefore I might be.
• I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
• I had an ‘hour glass’ figure, but the sand shifted.
• There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself; hire someone; or forbid your kids to do it.

From my Kindle joke book.

 

O…oohhhh

I see what I did there…

Gremlin (Photo credit: inkognitoh)

Breathe easy, the gremlin lives.

It was, uh, me.  I did it.  It’s a fair cop.

Seems I tried to add a new page instead of add a new post <blush>

I wiped out my own text and new page pages don’t have the same features as new post pages.  Whoops.  Sorry about that.

It’s not the first problem I’ve had with my electric life this week.  A good friend sent me an Amazon gift certificate for a poetry book for my Kindle.  I had real trouble getting the book because I did it through my Kindle at first and it came off my credit card so then I reversed it and tried to buy it online and it wouldn’t let me because it said I had already bought it.  

Cover via Amazon

Then I spent a day fretting about how to use the gift voucher and sending emails to Amazon whose reply was useless.  This morning, I took another look at the Amazon email about the voucher and noticed a handy little button, ‘Apply gift certificate to your account’.  Did that first and then purchased the book and now it should be on my Kindle.

Small panic break.

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It’s not there!

 

Small think break.

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It might appear if I turn the wifi on…

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Ta-da!

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I’m such a Dodo.

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I may be out of action for the next few days while I punish myself for losing good text.  Actually, for the purposes of this post it was great text, the best text I’ve ever written: witty, erudite, informative.  

Now it’s gone forever.  Remember – I did say that no one messes with my blog posts and gets away with it.  I’m scrupulously fair, if technologically stupid.

Somebody find me a gremlin and a whip.  One of us is going to suffer today, that’s for sure.  

Free Kindle Download: The Houses On The Green

My friend Eileen Simkiss wrote a book about Fifties life in Ardwick, Manchester. 

For this weekend only it is available for free download to your Kindle.

Why not take advantage?

Her website: http://www.thehousesonthegreen.com/