Tag Archives: Kitchen Appliances

A Bargain Is Only A Bargain If Your Wife Is Still Speaking To You

8 Feb
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Image by paulproteus via Flickr

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.  Anonymous.

The Hub came nearer to extinction yesterday than he has ever done.  Last week he cuddled me so hard I couldn’t move my arms as he said in a gentle tone, ‘Don’t be mad at me, darling.’  He didn’t say ‘darling’ out loud but I could tell he was thinking it.  ‘I have bought some printers.’

We need a new printer.  We won our present one in a competition about four years ago.  It’s smashing, but all printed out.  We don’t have the funds right now for a new one so we are propping it up with love and threats: ‘Work, dammit!  I’ll clean you, I promise.’

In fact, we need to replace a lot of our appliances: the toaster toasts only one side of the bread; the kettle is moody; the steamer is cracked and battered and leaking vegetables; my beloved George Forman died and was buried with full honours in the non-recyclable bin, those picky pick-up men refusing to take him when he was nestled with the tin cans and plastic bottles.  His offspring is George-lite and doesn’t have George’s capacity; he does for two people but three or more and he panics: he will strain and groan and set off the smoke alarm.  He has never lived up to his father and I doubt that he ever will.

We won’t be replacing them any time soon, but the Hub got ‘some’ printers off an auction site for £acertainamountbutwellwithinourpricerange.  A bargain.  He thought it was worth it if just one works; and maybe he can sell the others for spare parts.  My house is littered with things the Hub was going to sell for spare parts but never had the energy to do.  Once he has collected the items, his energy is all spent and, to quote Hawkeye through the same gritted teeth, ‘They stay where they lay.’  However, if I can’t print out my poems, I can’t print out my poems.  Paris is worth a mass and printers are worth their weight in A4.

So I thought.  Yesterday he brought them home.  As our old one sits atop a crowded cupboard, I had lost all perspective: printers are big!  Especially six or ten or seventy-three or however many there are forging the crazy paving from the kitchen to the lounge. 

He did it once before, with microwaves.  They sat in the shed for nine years until we discovered Freecycle.  This time, it’s the Hub I’m giving away.  Anybody need one?  I’ll deliver.

Doesn’t Bode Well For The Future…

27 Feb

I have signed up to Twitter. There has been a lot of publicity this week about British MPs signing up and I thought well, if they can use it, so can I, as technept as I am. It doesn’t bode well, however, that a lot of the publicity has been about Twitter identities being hijacked. Nor does it bode well for me that I told my family I had signed up to ‘Tweeter’. They thought I had become a birdwatcher. Or is that ‘twitcher’? Tweeters are usually paired up with woofers in a Not The Nine O’Clock News sketch, aren’t they? This online stuff is complicated.

My Twitter name is laughwife because I couldn’t fit the whole of ‘thelaughinghousewife’ in. I am a little concerned that my new name makes me sound like a crazy fishwife. My first tweet probably didn’t help: Is there anyone in America who owns an electric kettle? I haven’t had any replies yet so if you are reading this; live in the States; have important information pertaining to kitchen appliances; and nothing better to do, please tell me.

This question is still bugging me. I think the answer is ‘no’ because a look at blogs discussing similar topics turned up a raft of Americans now living abroad who rave about the wonders of their newly-discovered electric kettles. There are even posts dedicated to instructions on how to use them properly. I wouldn’t have thought you could say much beyond, ‘Fill with water. Switch on. Wait,’ but you’d be surprised at the detail these kettle converts go into. I’m not going to mock because I remember my Mother’s wonder at her first automatic washing machine after years of slaving over a twin tub; and my own astonishment, when we first went out to South Africa, at the miracle that is the sandwich toaster.

Do you think John Hawkins, Sir Francis Drake and Sir Walter Raleigh felt the same way about the potato? Bet they never foresaw the invention of the chip pan or the deep fat fryer. I wonder if they have those in America? Probably not: tea and chips are very English habits; though, of course, we didn’t invent either of them – Belgium invented chips, according to my Asterix the Gaul books.

Here’s an interesting fact about kettles that I came across when I was researching the potato:

1891
Electric Kettle Crompton and Company developed the electric kettle in England. The earliest examples of electric kettles all had the element in a separate chamber underneath similar to traditional vessels which boiled water and had the fire underneath the pot.

From: http://www.open2.net/historyandthearts/history/food_timeline_html.html

It has just occurred to me that my non-Brit readers might not know the term ‘fishwife’. It is a derogatory term for a woman, meaning one who swears loud and long in public. It originally referred only to women who sold fish but was made notorious by the women of Billingsgate fish market in the Nineteenth Century. Now, of course, it seems like every female in Britain, from two to ninety-two, swears like a fishwife and gives the first fishwives a bad name.

I’m starting to feel hungry for some reason; I am suddenly in the mood for fish and chips and a mug of tea. Must be the hard work of writing trivia that only I could possibly be interested in.  It makes me feel a bit of a twit, which doesn’t bode well for the future of this blog….

PS Did you know (from the same source; or ibid, for my Latin friends) that ‘by the early 1900s there [were] more than 30,000 chippies in Britain’?  Me neither.

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