Joke 649

Happy New Year to all of my readers!

May you laugh long and hard in 2013, and not in a crazy way.

*Shumone obvushly had a drinkipoos when they wrote thish

• A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
• My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic.  I’m going to keep my cup half-full – with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
• My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.
• I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.

From jokes4us

Now That The Festive Season Is Over…

…I am enjoying the restive season

My middle-aged bones are not what they were.  I could once prepare for Christmas throughout the whole of December, look after a big house and a small family, host as many as twenty-two people for Christmas Dinner and four grandparents for a week, throw in a New Year’s Eve party with guests sleeping in the lounge, bakkie and their own tent in our large garden, manage the cooking, cleaning and washing, and still wear make up and a big smile at the end of it.

Now, five of us for Christmas Dinner and my legs ache, my back creaks, my tired body slept until nine this morning and make up?  Forget it.  The Hub knows what I look like with a naked face.  If he doesn’t like it, he can hobble through the door.

Roll on grandkids, when my sons can start hosting Christmas.

PS That NYE party when guests camped in our garden?  They woke on New Year’s Day to find their tent smothering them.  Our Doberman had chewed through the ropes in the night.

English: Christmas is over 2 It must have been some kind of party in Gillingham around New Year’s Eve 2010. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For more Six Word Saturdays go here.

Joke 283

New Year Resolutions For Pets

 15. I will not eat other animals’ poop.

14. I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poop.

13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. 

12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.

 9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.

8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

7. Hamster: Don’t let them figure out I’m just a rat on steroids, or they’ll flush me!

 6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.

5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.

 3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!  January 2nd – December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

AND the Number 1 New Year’s Resolutions Made by Pets…

1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT’S HAND

Weekly Photo Challenge: Winter

Last winter on Gorsey Bank (the walk near our house):

I like snow when it covers street garbage.  The problem is, the garbage might be covered but the garbage is still there.

It might be a bit of a bleak midwinter here at Bud House: ATOS, the government’s benefit attack dogs, have called the Hub in for a medical.  As we hear of people with more serious illnesses being denied state assistance, I can’t help feeling a little anxious. 

I do believe the benefits system should be overhauled, but revolutions often bring casualties amongst those who start them.  Perhaps it will be our punishment for voting Conservative 🙂

In other news, I had my best month: my December stats currently stand at 15,005.  Perhaps I will be discovered, given an obscene book deal, and we can kiss benefits goodbye.

Hope is what keeps me going.  I so hope Bella chooses Jake over Edward.

 

The latest prompt was:

What ordinary skill are you bad at?

How much time do you have?

• Cooking
• Cleaning
• Taking photographs (all non-blurry photos on this blog are the Hub’s work; not mine)
• Driving
• Walking (Spud says I have a wonky walk that is hilarious from behind but difficult to walk alongside)
• Styling my own hair
• Answering prompts sensibly
• Not worrying

Something a little more cheerful:

 Happy New Year to my readers!

Rather an obvious Six Word Saturday, but when I have I ever been disobvious?  Non-obvious?  Unobvious?  Whatever. 

Happy New Year, and thanks for visiting.

Related articles

• Weekly Photo Challenge: Winter (thirdhandart.wordpress.com)
• Weekly Photo Challenge: Winter (beijingcityphoto.wordpress.com)
• http://romceg.wordpress.com/2011/12/30/weekly-photo-challenge-winter/#comment-1275

Happy New Year!

Image via Wikipedia

 

The Hub, Spud and I have just sung Auld Lang Syne and raised a glass.  Spud let in the New Year with a lump of dog instead of coal and we are waiting for Tory Boy to ring as he always does just after midnight every year.

Happy New Year to all my blogging friends.  I hope it’s a good one!