Tag Archives: new years resolutions

Joke 283

1 Jan

New Year Resolutions For Pets

 15. I will not eat other animals’ poop.

14. I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poop.

13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. 

12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.

 9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.

8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

7. Hamster: Don’t let them figure out I’m just a rat on steroids, or they’ll flush me!

 6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.

5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.

 3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!  January 2nd – December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

AND the Number 1 New Year’s Resolutions Made by Pets…

1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT’S HAND

Weekly Photo Challenge: Between

29 Dec

A friend brought me some flowers on Christmas Eve.  So many, I took half to the cemetery when I went to visit Dad.  I had bought roses for him; I took one out and popped it between the carnations in my vase.  That made him sort of with us.

It is not my intention to be maudlin, so here are some more cheerful responses to WordPress prompts:

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Are you a good to people you don’t know?

Yes. With the notable exception of WordPress prompters who shove in random prepositions when writing prompts.

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What’s the longest you’ve ever walked in a single day?

I could write about Blackpool, England or Alberton, South Africa here, but the effects of my cold are such that just making it to the kitchen at the moment feels like I’ve crawled a marathon; so I won’t.

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Where do you find strength?

From the Hub. Whenever he talks to me I grit my teeth and say, ‘Give me strength…’

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What will you try to do everyday next year?

Avoid debilitating colds.

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Would you ever fight over a sneaker? (In Seattle, WA, several fights broke out at stores selling the new Air Jordan sneaker.)

Picture of Retro'ed Air Jordan VIs

Image via Wikipedia

 How shallow do you think I am?*

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What are some possible new years resolutions for you?

  • Try not to be offended when people ask me insulting shoe questions
  • Be nice to WordPress prompters
  • Avoid debilitating colds

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Write about your oldest friend

You can read all about Viv in my France posts…

…oh, you meant, friend I’ve known the longest…

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When you go to an movie theater, do you prefer it to be empty so can sit anywhere you like? Or do you prefer a packed house like on opening night?

So long as there are no WordPress prompters bringing along spare prepositions but leaving their pronouns at home, I don’t mind.  Extraneous words make me uneasy and I don’t like to be around them.

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Finish this sentence: there are two kinds of people in the world, those that….

There are two kinds of people in the world, those that are comfortable around misplaced prepositions; and those that are not. 

Those that?  Those who, surely?  Or which?  And there are more than two kinds of people in the world.  I’m pretty certain about that. 

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who drive themselves nuts about silly things; and those who don’t.  Guess which kind I am.

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