Tag Archives: Prison

Joke 549

23 Sep

 

From ahajokes.

English: The main cellblock taken by ghostiegu...

English: The main cellblock taken by ghostieguide dec 22 2005 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some years ago, Mike was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Mike was a good person and made arrangements for Mike to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Mike was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was remodelling his kitchen and had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build the large countertop which he had promised to his wife. He called Mike into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.

But, alas, Mike refused. He told the warden, “Gosh, I’d really like to help you, but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place.”

 

Laughing At Housewives

15 Aug

It occurs to me that, despite the name of this blog, I have never told any housewife jokes; being a joke as a housewife myself, I never really saw the need. On your behalf, however, I abandoned my cleaning duties and spent the day trawling the net and you know what? People are mean. Or dirty. All of the jokes were either of the lover in a cupboard variety or had a horrible husband and bitchy wife. I did find one that isn’t really a joke and because by now I am a desperate housewife and need to publish today’s post, here goes (don’t blame be if it’s not funny; I do my bit):

Prison vs Being a Housewife (I won’t cite any one source because I read lots of versions of this on lots of sites):

In prison, you get three square meals a day.

At home, you cook three square meals a day and get to clean up afterwards.


In prison, they take you everywhere you need to go.

At home, you take everybody else where they need to go.


In prison, if you have visitors, all you do is go to a room, sit, talk and then say good-bye when you are ready or your time is up.

At home, you get to clean for days in advance and then cook and clean up after your guests and hope that they will one day leave.

In prison, you can spend your free time writing letters or just hang out in your own space all day.

At home, you get to clean your space and everyone else’s space, too, and what the heck is free time again?

In prison, you get your own personal toilet.

At home, you have to hold the bathroom door shut to stop everyone standing over you demanding to know how long till you’re done so you can do/find/make/organise something for them.

In prison, there are no screaming or whining children or spouses asking you to do something else for them, or screaming at you because you didn’t.

At home….stop me when I get to the downside of jail, will ya?

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