Joke 431

 

Snail Hang-Out (Photo credit: Melissa Maples)

This one came from Janie’s Place.  It might take you a moment to get the punchline, but it’s worth it.

 

A snail walked into a car dealership. Immediately a salesman came up to him and offered his assistance, figuring a commission is a commission and if the snail had money that was all that mattered.

Salesman: Hello there, erm, Sir? Can I help you pick out a car?

Snail: Mr. Snail…. Yes, but I have some…special…requirements.

Salesman: Certainly, why don’t you tell me what you’re looking for?

Mr. Snail: I want something small and sporty that goes very fast.

Salesman: Not a problem, Mr. Snail.

Mr. Snail: But it must have vinyl seats, not cloth, not leather. For obvious reasons.

The salesman and Mr. Snail looked down briefly at a puddle of goo on the show room floor.

Salesman: Um. Right. Also not a problem!

Mr. Snail: Good. Then I want a special paint job. I’m tired of people overlooking me because they think I’m just a slow, dumb snail. I want something sleek, sharp. Something eye-catching that will stand out. Something that sizzles. Money is no object, so I’ll want it done exactly to my specifications.

Salesman: We will see what we can do. What were you thinking?

Mr. Snail: I want a fire engine red car. Fire engines are fast, and they get noticed. That’s what I want. And, the car must have a bold letter “S” painted on each side of the hood and the boot so people from all directions will know it is Mr. Snail when they see me drive down the street in my new car.

Salesman: O-kay. I think we can accommodate that. Is there any thing else, a vanity plate perhaps?

Mr. Snail: Oh…yes.

Salesman: The letter “S” maybe?

Mr. Snail: Oh, yesssssss.

So the salesman shook hand to pseudopod, some papers were slimed and some money changed over.

In a few weeks Mr. Snail returned to pick up his new car, and was very pleased with his purchase. The salesman had even made sure the new vanity plate was attached for his special customer. As Mr. Snail peeled out of the parking lot, tires squealing and accelerator pressed flat to the floor, in his compact but fast, custom-painted car, the manager of the dealership looked out of the window and said to the salesman, “What’s the deal with the special paint job and the vanity plate?”

The salesman replied. “I don’t know, but you can’t help notice that little “S” car go!”

 

Joke 291

A man answers a knock at the door, but there is no one there. Just as he’s about to close the door, he hears a small voice say, “Excuse me sir, could I interest you in a set of encyclopaedias?” He looks down and sees a snail on his doorstep. 

Angered at being dragged away from a television program by a snail selling encyclopaedias, he kicks the poor snail off his front step and into the garden, before returning inside.

Six months later, there’s a knock at the door. He answers the door to find the snail, who asks, “What did you do that for?”