Tag Archives: Spelling and Grammar

Of This, That ‘n’ T’other

20 Sep

File:Stockport Town Hall (1).jpg

In my inbox this morning:

From the Arts Council: Do It Yourself Taxidermy, LIVE.

I literally have nothing to say.  Except…I pity the poor pet who drew that straw.

It gets better.  We are told:

The audience is encouraged to participate and generally be involved.

Stuff that!  I thought.


And talking of animals…

You should know by now that I live in Stockport.  Stockport is a town.  An ordinary, English town.  No bush, no savannah, not even a zoo.  Imagine my surprise, then, on reading this headline in The Stockport Express:

Snake alert in Stockport: Police search after reports Cobra is on the loose

Unless, of course, they are referring to the group of people the government cobbles together in an emergency.  I can just see our esteemed cabinet ministers slithering through Alexandra Park on the way to attack an unsuspecting Labour voter. 

We are so unused to snakes here in Stockport that one woman assumed they come with legs:

Mum-of-three Sharon Gregory, 39, said […] “Now it’s quite nerve-wracking wondering if a snake is going to jump out.”

The Police are on the case, of course; determined to find – you’ve gotta love British legalese – ‘the alleged cobra.’ 

With our great British talent for understatement, the report concludes:

Officers are currently carrying out licence checks to see who – if anyone – might have mislaid a large venomous snake. 


You may remember that a month or so ago I wrote that the producers of Come Dine With Me were looking to film in Stockport in August.  Either they are not yet done with the Julian Calendar or they are running a little behind, because I received an email asking me to ask again: if you fancy cooking for the telly, read my original post for details.


And finally…

After he left for school yesterday morning, Spud sent me a text:

Got a lift of Barry.

Who’s Barry?

He came home safe and sound but I was furious with him and I said so:

How many times do I have to tell you?  It’s not ‘of’ it’s ‘off’!?


Joke 116

18 Jul

Teacher: How do you spell dog?

Pupil: d, o, g, enter.

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