Tag Archives: Spelling

Joke 821

22 Jun

NO PHONE CALLS, WE'RE BUSY KILLING KIDS.

   

Someecards

How To Write Good, by Frank L. Visco

My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:

  1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
  2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
  3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
  4. Employ the vernacular.
  5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
  6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
  7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
  8. Contractions aren’t necessary.
  9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
  10. One should never generalize.
  11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
  12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
  13. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
  14. Profanity sucks.
  15. Be more or less specific.
  16. Understatement is always best.
  17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
  18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
  19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
  20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
  21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
  22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
  23. Who needs rhetorical questions?

Unbelievable.

Joke 819

20 Jun
That awkward moment when you spell a word so w...

That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong… (Photo credit: QuotesEverlasting)

While we’re on the subject…

Eye halve a spelling chequer. It came with my pea sea. It plainly marques four my revue miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word and weight four it two say weather eye am wrong oar write. It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid it nose bee fore two long. And than eye can put the error rite.

Its rarely ever wrong. Eye have run this let tar threw it. I am pleased two tell you its letter perfect. My checker tolled me sew.

Sauce unknown.

*

From Will & Guy

Joke 817

18 Jun

The joke is from all over the internet.

*

One spelling mistake can destroy a marriage.

A husband on a business trip wrote a message to his wife and missed one letter:

“I am having such a wonderful time.  Wish you were her.”

*

‘Our pubic schools’ billboard (© nasshole via Reddit)

*

The poem is from vivianc.

If GH stands for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau
The right way to spell POTATO should be GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU

*

What Big ‘I’s You’ve Got, Grammar

28 Sep

Before I begin this post about daft spelling and grammatical errors, I’d better ‘fess up right away that I am not innocent: reblogging Al’s post a week last Sunday, I took a poke at the spelling of his name – Cvillean instead of civilian – and I spelled it Cvllean, thus proving the rule that she who pokes fun at another’s grammar or spelling will get a slap in the face from her own slup-ip.

I was inspired to write this post by Janie Jones, who told us of her university cafeteria, where they serve Bisquits and gravy.

I was affronted on two fronts: the incorrect spelling, and the realisation that Janie lives in frontier country.  The sooner I send her airfare to come over here and visit me, the better: she can have chips and gravy, like cvllised people.

Not five minutes after reading her post, I was overjoyed to learn that one of my favourite writers, Jackie Kay, will be singing copies of  ‘Reality, Reality’  at the Didsbury Arts Festival.

Then I picked this up from Facebook:


I scheduled this post yesterday for today – although I wrote it a week ago and forgot about it, fortunately – because I may not get to visit you today.  Virgin want to work on something or other which means I may be without broadband all day.  Which means no internet.  Which means you may wake up on Saturday to a Tilly a little bit off, having gone cold turkey Friday.  Or not.  Same old same old.

Talking of off, sorry about yesterday’s post.  I didn’t mean to gross you out.  But you had your revenge in the comments.  You made me feel sick.

Same old same old.

%d bloggers like this: