Tag Archives: Sunday school

Joke 746

8 Apr
Heaven

Heaven (Photo credit: adyyflickr)

A Sunday school teacher asked the children in her class, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into Heaven?”

“No!” the children all answered.

“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into Heaven?”

Again the answer was “No!”

“Well,” she continued, “then how can I get into Heaven?”

A five-year-old boy shouted out, “You gotta be dead!”

From ajokeaday.com

 

Joke 732

25 Mar

Because you seemed to enjoy yesterday’s jokes so much, I found some more.

Sign in front of church

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

Annie replied, “Because people are sleeping.”

*

An inexperienced preacher was to hold a graveside burial service at a pauper’s cemetery for an indigent man with no family or friends. Not knowing where the cemetery was, he made several wrong turns and got lost. When he eventually arrived an hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, the backhoe was next to the open hole, and the workmen were sitting under a tree eating lunch.

The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.

As he returned to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say to the other, “I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain’t never seen anything like that before!”

Cartoon by Ron Stanfield - http://home.earthlink.net/~ronstanfield

At Sunday School they were learning how God created everything, including human beings. Johnny was especially intent when the teacher told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, “Johnny, what is the matter?”

Johnny responded, “I have a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”

*

It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with his mother. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for.

“People held them over Jesus’ head as he walked by,” his father told him.

“Wouldn’t you know it,” Johnny fumed, “the one Sunday I don’t go and he shows up.”

*

Cartoons and jokes from swapmeetdave.

 

Joke 656

8 Jan
English: Sunday school class, Manzanar Relocat...

Sunday school class, Manzanar Relocation Center, California People in church service, standing, holding hymnals. MEDIUM: 1 negative : safety film. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Martin arrived late for Sunday school. Miss Walter, his teacher, knew that Martin was usually very punctual so she asked him if anything was wrong.

Martin replied no, that he had been going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church.

Miss Walter was very impressed and asked the lad if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing?

Martin replied, “Yes he did. Dad said he didn’t have enough bait for both of us.”

*

*

From Will & Guy.

 

Joke 17

10 Apr

A little girl, dressed in her “Sunday best” was late and running to her Sunday school class. As she ran, she prayed, “Dear God, please don’t let me be late. Dear God, please don’t let me be late.” Then she fell.

She got up, dusted her self off and saw that her dress was now dirty and had a little tear. She started running again, still praying, “Dear God, please don’t let me be late.” But this time she added, “But please don’t push me, either!”

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