Tag Archives: Teacher

Joke 766

28 Apr
find x

find x (Photo credit: *n3wjack’s world in pixels)

Especially for Terry, who asked for school jokes.

  • Pupil: If a person’s brain stops working, does he die?  Teacher: You’re alive, aren’t you?
  • Q: How do you spell Hard Water with three letters?  A: ICE.
  • Q: Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school?  A: Because they’re all in high school.
  • Q: Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?  A: She couldn’t control her pupils.
  • Teacher: What is the plural of mouse? Pupil:  Mice.  Teacher:  Good, now what’s the plural of baby?  Pupil: Twins.
  • Teacher:  So your dog ate your homework?  Fred: Yes.  Teacher:  And where is your dog? Fred: He’s at the vet. He doesn’t like math any more than I do.
  • Pupil:  Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do? Teacher: Of course not.  Pupil:  Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
  • Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Amy’s test paper.  Pupil:  I hope you didn’t see me either!

Find these and many more on Twitter, @schooljokes.

 

Joke 731

24 Mar

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.  The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a

Loud Yelling Please

Loud Yelling Please (Photo credit: Enokson)

human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, ‘When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah’.

The teacher asked, ‘What if Jonah went to hell?’

The little girl replied, ‘Then you ask him’.

*

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.  As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’

The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one knows what God looks like.’

The  girl replied, ‘They will in a minute.’

*

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.  After explaining the commandment to ‘honour thy Father and thy Mother’ she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’

One little boy answered, ‘Thou shall not kill.’

*

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast with her brunette hair.  She asked, ‘Why are some of
your hairs white, Mum?’

Her mother replied, ‘Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.’

The little girl thought about this for a while and then said, ‘How come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?’

*

Phila. Teachers on Capitol Steps, Wash., D.C.,...

Phila. Teachers on Capitol Steps, Wash., D.C., 5/13/11 (LOC) (Photo credit: The Library of Congress)

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.  ‘Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, ‘And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.’

*
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a parochial elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.  The aide made a note, and posted it on the apple tray:

Take only ONE…God is watching.

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.  A child had written a note:

Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

 

Thanks to Katharine Trauger at Home’s Cool! for these.

 

Joke 534

8 Sep

 

Teacher

Teacher (Photo credit: tim ellis)

From jokesabout.

It was the end of the school year and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is. Some flowers.”

“That’s right,” the boy said, “but how did you know?”

“Oh, just a wild guess,” she said.

The next pupil was the candy shop owner’s daughter.

The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets.”

“That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl.

“Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.

“Is it wine?” she asked.

“No,” the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.

“Is it champagne?” she asked.

“No,” the boy replied, with more excitement.

The teacher took one more taste before declaring, “I give up, what is it?”

With great glee, the boy replied, “It’s a puppy!”

 

Joke 407

4 May
teacher

teacher (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

*

The teacher wrote on the blackboard, I ain’t had no fun all summer.

“Now, children,” she said, “what shall I do to correct this?”

“Get a boyfriend,” came the reply.

*

Joke 240

19 Nov

A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class.  To encourage him, his teacher said, “You’ll know you’re really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French.”

The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, “Teacher, teacher!  I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!” 

“Great!” said the teacher; “what were they saying?” 

“I don’t know,” the boy replied; “I couldn’t understand them.”

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