Of This, That ‘n’ T’other

In my inbox this morning:

From the Arts Council: Do It Yourself Taxidermy, LIVE.

I literally have nothing to say.  Except…I pity the poor pet who drew that straw.

It gets better.  We are told:

The audience is encouraged to participate and generally be involved.

Stuff that!  I thought.

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And talking of animals…

You should know by now that I live in Stockport.  Stockport is a town.  An ordinary, English town.  No bush, no savannah, not even a zoo.  Imagine my surprise, then, on reading this headline in The Stockport Express:

Snake alert in Stockport: Police search after reports Cobra is on the loose

Unless, of course, they are referring to the group of people the government cobbles together in an emergency.  I can just see our esteemed cabinet ministers slithering through Alexandra Park on the way to attack an unsuspecting Labour voter. 

We are so unused to snakes here in Stockport that one woman assumed they come with legs:

Mum-of-three Sharon Gregory, 39, said […] “Now it’s quite nerve-wracking wondering if a snake is going to jump out.”

The Police are on the case, of course; determined to find – you’ve gotta love British legalese – ‘the alleged cobra.’ 

With our great British talent for understatement, the report concludes:

Officers are currently carrying out licence checks to see who – if anyone – might have mislaid a large venomous snake. 

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You may remember that a month or so ago I wrote that the producers of Come Dine With Me were looking to film in Stockport in August.  Either they are not yet done with the Julian Calendar or they are running a little behind, because I received an email asking me to ask again: if you fancy cooking for the telly, read my original post for details.

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And finally…

After he left for school yesterday morning, Spud sent me a text:

Got a lift of Barry.

Who’s Barry?

He came home safe and sound but I was furious with him and I said so:

How many times do I have to tell you?  It’s not ‘of’ it’s ‘off’!?

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Related articles

• Snake alert in Stockport: Police search after reports Cobra is on the loose (menmedia.co.uk)
• Come Dine With Me In Stockport (thelaughinghousewife.wordpress.com)

I Think I Should Change My Email Account

Image via Wikipedia

The subject line of an email from The Arts Council: New Handmade Market In Warwickshire.  I bet the tables were hard to knit.

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And another: Arts Jobs: Dorset Smuggler Required.  I didn’t think the cutbacks were that bad.

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A Freegle request to my inbox: wanted: sports car (preferbly a bugatti veyron)

if anyone has a sports car they no longer wants i would be very grateful.
i just thought that other people ask for over the top items, i should aswell

thanks in advance

The moderator wasn’t happy with the request, having this to say:

Please do not type in CAPITALS, as this may be seen as shouting by other members.

I did think about giving them mine, but the poor grammar and spelling  left me feeling they don’t deserve it.  By which reasoning, I should at least own a Ford Focus.

I can’t decide if I’m more amused or appalled.  I hope it was a joke but the moderators do let some greedy requests through (I’ve just split from my boyfriend and I need to furnish my house so give me everything and make it new and deliver it while you’re at it, is usually the gist). 

What do you think?  Was it a joke?

I’m Still Job Hunting

I spotted this one today, from The Arts Council:

Wanted: Executive Ass

I’ve so many jokes and so little class