Tag Archives: The Big Bang Theory

Joke 752

14 Apr

How To Translate Academic Jargon

Breakfast Theory: A Morning Methodology

Breakfast Theory: A Morning Methodology (Photo credit: askpang)

When you next read an academic paper, make sure you have this handy guide by your side.

“IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN”
I didn’t look up the original reference.

“WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS”
An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.

“THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY”
The other results didn’t make any sense.

“TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN”
This is the prettiest graph.

“THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT”
I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

“IN MY EXPERIENCE”
Once.

“IN CASE AFTER CASE”
Twice.

“IN A SERIES OF CASES”
Thrice.

“IT IS BELIEVED THAT”
I think.

“IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT”
A couple of others think so, too.

“CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE” 
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

“ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS”
Rumour has it.

“A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE
OF THESE FINDINGS”
A really wild guess.

“A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA”
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a beer glass.

“IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS”
I don’t understand it…and I never will.

“AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES”
They don’t understand it either.

“A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY”
A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

“IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD”
I am pleased to feed you this rubbish.

From Will & Guy

Six Word Saturday

5 Jan

I’m watching

The Big Bang Theory

The complete box set was my Christmas present from Tory Boy (excellent child!).

The show is about a socially inept group of nerds, some of whom live together.

They love Star Trek, Doctor Who, Harry Potter and gaming.  

They spend most of their time on computers and/or eating.

They are awkward and demanding know-it-alls.

They have peculiar rules and rituals which baffle outsiders.

I think it’s based on my family.

For more Six Word Saturdays, go here.

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