Tag Archives: The Lottery

Joke 198

8 Oct

Dear John,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement.

Won’t you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart.

I was a fool, nobody can take your place. I love you.

All my love,

Chantelle xxxxoooxxxx

P.S. Congratulations on winning this week’s lottery.

 

 

Another Favourite Number

22 Mar

After I made the prompt post yesterday, the Hub and I had the following conversation:

Me: My favourite number is 134 million.

Hub: Why?

Me: Because that’s how much I’m going to win in Friday’s Euro Lottery Rollover.

Hub: My favourite number is £1.90

Me: Why?

Hub: Because that’s how much you need to scrape together if you want to add it to the kitty to have enough to buy a ticket.*

We don’t have a lot of money but we have a lot of laughs.

*The Euro Lottery costs £2

11/1/11

11 Jan
Exclamation mark

Image via Wikipedia

 

 

Another exciting date!  Two in one month!  I’m having an exclamation mark overload!!  I could write the date with exclamation marks!   !!/!/!!

I had a look back at what happened on this date because I had nothing interesting to say about it. 

  • 1569 England: first state lottery was held.  And I bet if we’d started buying tickets back then we still wouldn’t have won more than a tenner.
  • 1770 USA (not quite): sent the first shipment of rhubarb to London.  Thank you America; I love you.
  • 1902: Popular Mechanics first published.  I threw that one in for the boys.
  • 1922 Canada: first person treated successfully with insulin.  Diabetes becomes Diabeaten.
  • 1942: Japan declared war against the Netherlands.  That struck me as peculiar: how did the Dutch upset Japan? 
  • 1949 USA: Dennis (Frederick) Greene was born.  What?  You’ve never heard of Sha-Na-Na?
  • 1973 UK: first Open University degrees awarded.  Yay, forerunners of mine.

Happy Eleven-One-Eleven, everyone!

Bikeless In Stockport

10 Aug

Yesterday’s hysteria was a waste of time: the bike was too big for me.  The woman who had it before must have been a giant because the seat was at my armpits.  It was an old leather seat, circa 1940, like the rest of the bike.  I joked about being Almira Gulch yesterday, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it was an original prop from The Wizard of Oz.  I’m disappointed: now I’ll never be more independent and less fat; I’ll be less dependent and more fat, and the Hub will be stuck forever ferrying around a blob and never get well.

I would have been quite happy to ride an antique around Stockport; it wouldn’t have been stolen, for one thing.  I don’t think it would have been much use for carrying three huge bags of wet washing, though.  I found out that the lottery winners use the same launderette and they are nice people, so I’m glad it went to someone who deserves it.  They haven’t been in the launderette since their win – I expect they can afford a tumble dryer now and – more to the point – the electricity to run it.

If they’ve got any sense they’ll move out of the area.  My house was egged on Sunday, for no reason that we can fathom.  Unless, like Everest, it’s just because we’re there.  Or those lottery winners are RSVP-ing my several hundred begging letters.

The Hub often begs me for things – please stop talking/pestering/breathing – so I like to torment him as punishment. [To get the joke of the next bit you have to know that we have about a thousand cups in our cupboard; I never break them.  It’s a gift.]

He complained the other day that everyone except him seems to be given their tea in his Manchester City mug, so I washed it after every use (instead of putting it in the dishwasher; I’m lazy, not dirty) and served every drink in it.  He outsmarted me though: he noticed after the third time but didn’t mention it for days because he’s glad to have his mug for every drink.  Maybe I should punish him by washing it after the next use and serving all of my drinks in it.  Annoying their husbands is what Tilly Buds do best…it’s such fun!  Plus, it keeps the marriage alive: he won’t know I’m here if I’m not sticking pins in him, will he?  Or am I thinking of my voodoo doll?

 

 

 

 

 

 

From The News Desk

8 Aug

Two bits of news from my area:

One of my friends narrowly missed being part of an armed robbery yesterday (as a victim, I hasten to add; not a perpetrator).  She had just left Home Bargains in Edgeley when it happened.  She was loading her car at the time and fled the scene as soon as she realised what was happening.  I wonder if she remembered to collect her £1 from the shopping trolley?

The second bit of news means the couple who live just up the road from me will be able to spend their £11.2million lottery win in the sort of shops that don’t have armed robberies.   I know now that we will definitely never win it: with them probably buying their ticket in Morrisons like us, and my good friend Elone who won as part of a syndicate some years back (and very kindly sharing her good fortune by buying me the new oven I desperately needed and giving me the dining suite I desperately wanted), we have no chance.  I also know a friend of a friend from not far from here who won.  It’s kind of like being splashed by the oil from your neighbour’s well: you wish them well but, well, you wish the oil had been under your land.  But silver linings and all that: think of the pestering letters they’re going to get from people begging for help in paying off their credit card debts…where’s my pen?

 

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