Tag Archives: Twiglets

Joke 673

25 Jan

We haven’t had any Tim Viners for a while, so here they are:

  • I’ll tell you what makes my blood boil…crematoriums.
  • I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah.  I thought, ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
  • I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past.  It was a bit choppy.
  • Did you know if a stick insect laid its eggs in a jar of Bovril, it will give birth to a litter of Twiglets?
  • I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me, ‘How many potatoes would you like Tim?’  I said, ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one, please.’ She said, ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’  ‘All right,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.’
  • You know, I’m not very good at magic – I can only do half of a trick.  Yes – I’m a member of the Magic Semi-circle.
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