Tag Archives: Vacuum

Joke 186

26 Sep

Thanks to Granny1947 for this one.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with death. 

Joke 166

6 Sep

Some house cleaning thoughts for you:

  1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
  2. Keep the house clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.
  3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.
  4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.
  5. If it walks out of your refrigerator, let it go…if it comes back to you, it’s yours; if it doesn’t, well, thank goodness for that.
  6. Only clean the bits you can see.
  7. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.
  8. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.
  9. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
  10. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
  11. I’m not going to vacuum until James Dyson invents one you can ride on.
  12. Take a tip from Zsa Zsa Gabor who once said, ‘I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.’
  13. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, ‘What? And spoil the mood?’
  14. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.
  15. If your dust really is out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist, ‘THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes….’

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