Tag Archives: Vicar

Hoist With My Own Facebook

15 Apr
Funny Church Signs

Funny Church Signs (Photo credit: au_tiger01)

You know how I like sharing church bulletin errors for my daily joke?

I may be in the next one.

My church is made up of three congregations which merged two years ago. When it became clear that the Vicar, David, was going to implode under the weight of the work, seven ministries were set up to help him.  I am the team leader for our Communications Ministry (hey, desperation makes even the likes of me look attractive).

Tomorrow night, we have a Ministry Teams Leaders’ meeting at the vicarage, at which we will most definitely, absolutely and certainly not complain (it is vital that you know this, because of what follows).  We have nothing – and no-one, especially not vicars – to complain about,  because we all love what we do and don’t need paying for it, not even one hundredth of a dong (you don’t believe me?  So xu me).

One of my jobs is to post details of our activities on Facebook.  If you are not on Facebook, I’d better explain something: when you type Such and such is happening @ such and such, the @ causes Facebook to offer names for you to link to, and puts it in the appropriate spot.  I always ignore them.  Or so I thought…

Today’s Facebook post – check Tuesday at 19:30:

DSCN1162

But you know what really incensed me?   The space I created between tomorrow night’s meeting and Wednesday’s date disappeared.  

Formatting errors – now that is a crime.

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Previous Two Words:

Weltschmerz: sentimental pessimism.  Kind of how I feel every time I read my friends’ Facebook statuses.

Vilipend: to regard or treat as of little value or account.  What I just did to my Facebook friends, right before they all de-friended me.

Joke 596

9 Nov

From Will & Guy: some church magazine snippets.

1577 - Church Supper magazine?

  • New Carpet: There will be a discussion in May as to how we might raise funds for the new carpet.  All who wish to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so now.
  • Baptisms: From now on, the North and South ends of the church will be utilised. Children will be baptised at both ends.
  • Try our healing services.  You won’t get better.
  • The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of Roderick James Hillman, the sin of Revd. and Mrs. Hillman.

And a joke:

The Reverend Douglas Johnston was driving home from church when he had a minor bump with a cyclist, who was knocked off his bike into the ditch.

The Vicar stopped his car, got out and apologised.  He gave the cyclist his calling card, saying that if he could ever be of help, then the man should not hesitate to ask.

As the man rode home he looked at the card which said, The Reverend Douglas Johnston is sorry he missed you today.

 

Joke 566

10 Oct

 

This one is from Will & Guy.

Goat Attack!

Goat Attack! (Photo credit: sissyboystud)

A young couple invited their aged Vicar for Sunday lunch.  While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

“Goat,” the little boy replied.

“Goat?” replied the startled reverend. “Are you sure about that?”

“Yep,” said the youngster. “I definitely heard Dad say to Mum, ‘We might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day’.”

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Old-Fashioned

10 Jul

I attended the early service this morning in my Anglican church.  We combined with two other churches in the parish at Easter.  The church where we are now based is high church, as opposed to us low church, or enjoy-it-enough-to-almost-be-called-‘happy-clappy’-if-we-weren’t-all-too-frightfully-British-to-actually-clap-in church.

The early service is extremely formal: the Gospel reading requires everyone to stand, and is made in the middle of the congregation.  I suppose the thinking is that it’s at the centre of everything.  It is made with people – I don’t know what they are called – in long, white robes holding crosses on sticks, surrounding the vicar, who reads the scripture from the biggest Bible I’ve ever seen in real life.  It is all rather solemn and old-fashioned.

The reading was from Matthew; the parable of the sower.  The vicar read, And he told them many things in parables, saying, at which point he drew breath, just as the only baby in the room said, Dada.

I’ll tell you what is definitely not old-fashioned – a giggling vicar.

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