Tag Archives: Wisdom

Joke 855

26 Jul
Lives saved by seat belts and airbags

Lives saved by seat belts and airbags (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Food For Thought

  • I started out with nothing…I still have most of it.
  • I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
  • Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
  • If all is not lost, where is it?
  • It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  • If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
  • The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
  • I went to school to become a wit; only got halfway through.
  • It was all so different before everything changed.
  • Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.
  • A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
  • I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.
  • Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip round the sun.
  • The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.
  • If you’re living on the edge, make sure you’re wearing your seat belt.
  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.
  • Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.

From Will & Guy

Joke 848

19 Jul

Be-yourself-Everyone (Photo credit: Patricia Mellin)

Wise Words.  

They are not all funny but those which are not funny are so useful, I have left them in.

  • One good turn gets the duvet.
  • The early worm gets eaten.
  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  • There are two theories to arguing with a woman.  Neither works.
  • The second mouse gets the cheese.
  • Hotel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.
  • Never kick a fresh cowpat on a hot day.
  • Even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.
  • The well bred contradict other people. The wise contradict themselves.
  • When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
  • To cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.
  • We can learn much from wise words, little from wisecracks, and less from wise guys.
  • Work eight hours and sleep eight hours and make sure they are not the same eight hours.
  • A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed.
  • A group of idiots led by a wise man can defeat a group of wise people led by an idiot.


From Will & Guy


Joke 563

7 Oct
A senior police officer of the Hamburg police ...

A senior police officer of the Hamburg police on assignment at Hamburg city hall, Germany. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Thanks to Granny1947 for these words of wisdom.

  • I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
  • I am a nobody.  Nobody is perfect.  Therefore I am perfect.
  • Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
  • Heaven is Where:
    The Police are British
    The Chefs are Italian
    The Mechanics are German
    The Lovers are French and
    It’s all organized by the Swiss
    Hell is Where:
    The Police are German
    The Chefs are British
    The Mechanics are French
    The Lovers are Swiss and
    It’s all organized by the Italians
%d bloggers like this: