Snippets

Looking for poetic inspiration, I’ve been trawling my old notebooks.  I found some fun stuff which I’d like to share; but don’t worry – there’s not a poem in sight.  Let me worry about that.

From 2008:

Alec the paperboy passed the house as I opened the door.  I waved to him.  

Spud, 12, to Alec: ‘I’m sorry about my Mum; she’s a weirdo.’

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Some neologisms of mine (you may recognise a couple but I share them again in the hope of one day having an entry in the Oxford Dictionary):

• Smail: newsy email.  Obsolete now I have a blog.
• Techneptitude: technical ineptitude of the highest order (my special gift).  I got a published poem out of this one.
• Suburbani: modern wage slaves.  Another poem, sadly unpublished, even though it has a pretty font.
• Weepiknees: crying, with trembling legs.  I inadvertently predicted my Toby Tale with this one.

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From The Sunday Telegraph supplement, Seven, 11/05/08:

Anxiety: fear in search of a cause.

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A Re-run

I’m sure I’ve shared this before but I find it so amusing, I have to tell it again.

There was a South African politician called Ferdi Hartzenberg; and a South African newsreader who shall remain nameless.

Journalists had a nickname  for Mr H and this particular journalist once, live on television, accidentally used it: Herdi Farts ‘n’ Burps.

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If you like your politicians mocked, head over to Edwina Currie Made Me Start This Blog, my newest blog.  You’ll find more from my old notebooks.

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Joke 579

The Eiffel Tower from below. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

From my friend Cliff.  

Thank you, Cliff, for being such a great supplier of jokes.

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True Definitions

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1.  ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds

2.  AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do

3.  BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage

4.  BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with

5.  CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate

6.  COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

7.  ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living

8.  EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist

9.  HEROES: What a guy in a boat does

10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of
……money

11. MISTY: How golfers create divots

12. PARADOX: Two physicians

13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm

15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with

16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV

17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring

18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife

19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does

20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official

Two More Bits

Defenestration.  Sounds like something that might be a bit naughty, doesn’t it?  It is, in a way.  It is the act of throwing a person out of a window.  Isn’t it bizarre that there should be a word for it?  I can understand words like knifing, shooting, tickling, but defenestrating?  It’s not even as threatening as it ought to be: tell someone you’re going to to knife them or throw them out of a window and the old bladder will start tickling, but how terrified would you be if someone told you, ‘Give me your Barbie doll collection, Ken, or I’m going to defenestrate you’?  I’m thinking not much.*

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I remembered this morning that I haven’t shared the poem that Spud wrote for Mother’s Day, so here it is in all its wonderful glory and iffy spelling, excluding the ink blotches:

  

What more can I say, you brighten up my day.

When the school day starts, your cooking skills are sharp.

Crumpets, cereal or toast, I’ve got right to boast.

I know raising me is hard, which is why I got you an expensive card.

Of all the things you do, there’s no way I could re-pay you,

But wearing my SGS crest, I’ll just have to do my best.

When I’m feeling down, you’re there to kill my frown,

And when my mood is up, you’re there to back me up.

Then on Christmas day you get me a TV-A.

Forever making me the perfect ever Tea.

I love it when we talk, as we go for walks.

I love you oh so much and your special motherly touch.

You’ll be there when I’m shy, and if I need to cry.

I hope you’re always happy and never feeling crappy.

And when I’m old and grey and on my dieing day,

I’ll look back to when I was a kid and thankyou for all you did.

Child

 

Mummy

 You can see why I spent the morning of Mother’s Day blubbing into my Maltesers.

 

 

*Habit of a lifetime, I’m afraid.

 

 

 

                        

 

 

 

Word Of The Day

Being a word geek (and fast approaching dweeb proportions), I am on the mailing list of Dictionary.com, which sends me a Word of the Day.  I just have to share today’s word with you, because it’s fabulous:

ERUCTATION

 
\ih-ruhk-TAY-shuhn\, noun:
The act of belching; a belch.
Eructation comes from Latin eructatio, from eructare, from e-, “out” + ructare, “to belch.”