Joke 971

Woman: I can make the boss give me the day off.

I’ve got an idea (Photo credit: steveburnett)

Man: And how do you do that?
Woman: Watch.

She hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

Boss: What are you doing?
Woman: I’m a light bulb.
Boss: You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.

The man starts to follow her.

Boss: Where are you going?
Man: I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.

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From academictips.org

Joke 690

Micrograph of tissue paper. Illumination is by ultraviolet light causing autofluorescence of the fibres, the image was captured through a blue filter to block direct illumination. 9 images manually stitched into a panorama. Individual fibres are ~10 μm wide. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?”

“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy…”

 

Joke 20

Why Americans Are Tired; by an American.

For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood, or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I’m tired because I’m overworked. Here’s why: The population of this country is 300 million.

150 million are retired.

That leaves 150 million to do the work.

There are 95 million in school, which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 30 million employed by the federal government, leaving 25 million to do the work.

3.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing vicious dictators. Which leaves 21.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 18,800,000 people who work for state and city governments, and that leaves 2.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 2,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 2,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And there you are sitting, at your computer, reading jokes.

I Can’t Think Of A Snappy Title So This Will Have To Do

I have had a happy week.  It has been great going out to work and doing new stuff and feeling valued in a different way.  Now, if I can just get someone to pay me for it…. 

It has reminded me of when I was a child.  Remember those paper bags they put the books in at John Menzies?  I would spend my pocket money on Enid Blytons and save the bags; I would sit on my doorstep and happily file away bits of paper into the different coloured bags.  When I die, I suspect my heaven will look like an office; I’ll sleep on a pile of notebooks and have a quilt made of highlighting pens.

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Here are a couple of photos I didn’t have time to post until now:

 

Note how I have a protective hand around my dinner…the Hub is only allowed my leftovers, when I have them.  I had precisely 20% of leftovers on Tuesday, yet he somehow managed to eat a third of my dinner.  We clearly have a maths communication problem – I’m beginning to wonder if we actually have been married twenty-five years.  I hope so, or how do I explain the 300% girth increase?

A Good Day

Good fun yesterday at Housewives ‘r’ Us: we had a debate on the relative merits of employment versus unemployment. The consensus seemed to be that the number one reason any of us wanted to work was to escape the kids. Second was money, because it enabled us to bribe them to let us go.

I have to say I am really enjoying the daily routine of having to shower, catch a bus and take a packed lunch. It’s nice to have a reason to get up in the morning besides beat my best score. I have been floundering a little since graduating; I just don’t have enough to do and housework has never interested me beyond straightening the cushions in the lounge. I am really hopeful that this will lead to a job. I hear the hospital is looking for cleaners.

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Day 20’s prompt was ‘perfectly flawed’.  I’m going to paste part of it here because I like the story: In ancient times, Persian rug makers were deeply religious and believed that only God could make something perfect. They would deliberately drop in a small faulty stitch, a flaw, into each Persian rug. In doing so, a ‘Persian Flaw’ revealed the rug maker’s devotion to God — Karel Weijand.  Yesterday was a good day and I got a senryu out of it; I had to really think to find the flaw because I was happy, but I have a good standby; see if you can spot it:

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A Perfect Afternoon

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No money, but sun,

my love, and the hope of what

may come.  Contentment.