Before I begin, let me just say that this is the first time I’ve used the new-look New Post feature and I HATE it. It’s all white space and missing or moved buttons. Wassup with that, WordPress?
I’m in a bad mood. I have discovered the point of philosophy, a question which has puzzled me since the summer of 2003. That was the first year of my Open University degree. I attended summer school in Manchester – seven minutes away from my house by train; and I chose it for just that reason, having a sick husband and two young children at home. Plus, I was a wimp in those days. Travel alone in such a lawless country as Britain? Forget it.
It was a glorious summer (the sun always shines on happy memories) and I had a blast, spending all of my time in lectures and learning, singing in the choir that was composed of almost the whole cohort of students, and playing Medea’s daughter in an amusing stage parody. I was disappointed not to get two weeks, à la Educating Rita, but loved any break from my adorable family.
I attended a lecture on the piece of music which was the subject of my next assignment and it was so good, all I had to do was transcribe my notes into coherent sentences, giving me one of my best marks that year. It’s not cheating if you’re just paying attention in class.
Music was not my best subject but Philosophy was definitely my worst. I just did not get it. I remember sitting in a tutorial that summer and asking, What is the point of philosophy? The tutor looked startled and then annoyed, and he didn’t have an answer. I rest my case.
I wish he was here now, because today I learned the answer: philosophy exists to enable desperate poets to cope with the vagaries of Microsoft.
My Word stopped working. I don’t know why. I don’t know what version it is. I don’t know why I didn’t read the dialogue box that came up every day for a week or more which probably would have told me. But that doesn’t matter because of course it’s Microsoft’s fault: it is the creator, and we always blame the creator when things go wrong. That’s my philosophy.
I haven’t been around the blogosphere much because I’m nearing the end of phase three of my second poetry collection: the editing process. The editing process is my favourite part: the research has been done; the poems have been drafted from thin air; I don’t yet have to brutally cut some of my favourite babies, or put out for a publisher. All I have to do is neaten, tidy and completely re-write until I’m sort of but not quite satisfied with the work that’s already done.
I edit, therefore I am happy.
I type, therefore I am busy.
I think, therefore I am using the education the Open University gave me.
I stay at my computer, therefore the Hub doesn’t have to see me.
I lose Word and my life falls apart: what am I supposed to do with my time if I can’t edit poems? I might have to talk more to the Hub [shudder]. What if the world never gets to read my genius because Word owns me?
Tain’t right; tain’t fitting; tain’t proper (how I miss you, Ross Poldark; please come back to my TV and be gorgeous again).
I may just be losing it…it’s only been thirty minutes since Word said Get lost and I’m babbling like a woman who just lost her Word.
On the plus side, I now have time to read your blogs.
Sidebar: the architecture block of the 2003 course was fascinating but the only thing I remember is how to identify columns. To this day, I have a weird finger thing I do to remind myself of whether a column is Doric, Ionic or Corinthian. Identifying a type of Classical architecture is a totally useless skill for me to have but I love that I can do it.
What’s your useless skill?
A Poem to Mourn a Great Loss
I miss Word.
Word has gone.
How will my work be done?
I’m editless; I’m numb.
This poem is the sum of my madness.
Return, Word, and all will be gladness.
Now you see how good a poet I am, you’ll understand why I’m going crazy here.
you have been missed, Tilly. truly.
Useless skill: anagramming words. Ive done it since I was a kid, I used to make lists of words that could be rearranged to make other words: warder/drawer/redraw, flower/fowler/reflow…
I wish you well with the editing. I love that part, you start seeing your work through more critical eyes, and it’s amazing how many times what you thought was a wonderful line turns out to be the literary equivalent of a snap on the nose =)
And how awful to lose Word. Cut off my left foot, but leave Word alone…Can you do a system restore? That one has saved my sanity more than once, especially when something vital gets the hiccups or a virus…
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What a USEFUL skill! You must be a Scrabble and/or Countdown champion.
Words are supposed to be my business but I am dreadful (furldead) at anagrams.
The Hub, hereinafter known as Hub the Wonderful, has just bought me a new, up-to-date version of Word from eBay. My laptop was secondhand and he thinks there may have been a demo copy or something on it and if I had only read the dialogue box…yada-yada-yada…he’s such a nag, I stopped listening.
I agree about the critical eyes. I’m editing chronologically so the poems are all at least six months old and the distance gives me a great perspective and a fresh eye.
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I think anagramming is like spelling. you either know how, or you don’t, right from the start. And I play a ton of word games online, since no one will play scrabble with me. (sob).
Good on the Hub for getting you an updated copy of Word. I don’t really like the new improved versions, they seem wildly bloated (on the principle that more is better even if it blows up in your face) these days, and no I do NOT want to run algorithmic functions, tyvm…
Sometimes the best critical eye is the one that knows total strangers will be looking at this and they won’t know what you REALLY meant…=)
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I will play scrabble with you online, though I’m not much good at anagrams (Jock is a geius at them). (FB ID Vivienne Frances Blake)
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Ill take that offer, Viv. I’ve never played real online Scrabble before, only the Yahoo version, which is like a rabbit on speed, compared to regular Scrabble.
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Let me have your FB name and I will invite you to a game.
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That’s Stage 5 – I have beta readers all lined up…
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According to those who know me, all my skills are useless…perhaps that is why I often hear that I’m “Jack of all trades, master of none.” Enjoyed your post.
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An all-rounder is always useful 🙂
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Word, word, have you not heard?
Tilly’s eyes are getting blurred.
To go out now is just absurd
You’re making her seem like a nerd.
Do please come back and join the herd
So Tilly’s poems will not be slurred.
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A poem? Pour moi? Thank you, dear Al.
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Lots of points to answer here:
No.1 – WP posting. Hover your cursor over “My sites” and click on WP Admin. When that opens, scroll down to the drawing pin and hover until you see the options. Click on Add new. That way you post as you have always done (hilariously), with all the bells and whistles.
No.2 – loss of Word. That happened to me 1 year after I bought the new laptop. It appears that PC World only installed a 1 year’s subscription to Microsoft Office. I had to buy the permanent version when everything disappeared last summer. It looks as though Paul has solved the problem for you via ebay. And yes, I ignored all the MS notices. There is a temporary word processing solution, One Note, but it’s pretty awful.
No.3 – I agree that philosophy is a pretty useless subject. In France to get the most useful type of Baccalaureat they have to pass philosophy, which doesn’t make a lot of sense. We had a neighbour who was a philo prof, and he was useless as well.
No.4 – I adored my OU summer school (in Caen), which made me realise what I’d missed by leaving school at 16. My tutorial venues were also fabulous: Paris, Florence, Barcelona, Berlin – it doesn’t get any better than that.
No.5 – Good luck with all the editing.
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No 1. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
No 2. I remember.
No 3. Harsh! 🙂
No 4. Not jealous. Not jealous at all…
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oh damn. I don’t have facebook.
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I don’t know how to do it without FB. Sorry, perhaps someone will tell us.
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’tis okay, Viv, I don’t know how to do it WITH FB. Ah, well, I appreciate the offer, at any rate. We tried. =)
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Maybe your Word got wet in the Open University when it rained? Try a rabbit dehumidifier … or should that be a hare drier?
I. Do. Not. Use. The. New. Post.. Messup.
The old one works far better.
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Hehehehe 🙂
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Oh, Tilly…. my word! (Sorry. 😉 )
I hope your Word starts to behave again soon, so you can work on your words once wore – erm – more! I don’t think I have a useless skill, although the skills I have aren’t particularly useful… Good to see you again.
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I too have completed the OU foundation arts course (I think that’s what it’s called). My darling hubby took me to Rome for my 40th so that I could visit the coliseumand point out to him all the ionic, doric and corinthium columns – good times
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That’s the ones! Lucky you, to visit Rome. It’s on my to do list.
Was it A103? That was my first course. Did you complete your degree?
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Yes, I actually did A201 (intro to literature) first then A103. Yes, I got my BA(hons) in English Language and Literature. Loved my time with the OU.
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I got a BA(hons) Literature! When did you graduate? 2008 for me (ceremony 2009 – what was that about, making us wait a year for a ceremony?)
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It’s really nice to hear that things at least WERE going well for you regarding your poetry book. I can’t imagine that Word has just decided to thwart your efforts, but technology can be very cruel. I relate to your struggle with philosophy. It was a difficult class for me as well. The reading made sense to me while I would study, but I could never keep them straight. I just never connected the dots! I do hope someone comes to your rescue and Word is back where it should be!
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The Hub has bought me a new copy. He knows I can’t live without it. 🙂
Glad it’s not just me re philosophy!
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I’m so sorry about your Word troubles, if only Ross Poldark were there to lend you his shoulder to weep on. I miss Ross too. I hope this Word mess gets straightened out, I couldn’t help you but I wish that I could. Xxoo
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Thank you! The Hub had bought me a new copy/version/floppy disk so I’ll be back at work (and not blogging 😦 ) as soon as it arrives.
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Fantastic! Though I miss the blogging part 😦
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Microsoft owns us all. I have a love/hate affair with technology. Even my husband laughs: if anything will go wrong with the computer, the wifi, the DVD, the dishwasher… anything that has technical parts: it will be me. it hates us!
You read that in Gollum’s voice right? Just checking.
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I did; because I, too, am a Gollum around technology. I even coined a word for my techneptitude (that was it). 🙂
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You know you are growing older when everything you liked is gone or dead or malfunctions. Nothing to do but be like Ross Poldark. I’m old enogh to be his grandmother, but who cares. (I will be a great-grandmother in May.)
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The chassis may be worn but there’s nothing wrong with the battery 😉
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I can see your nine lives are not over!
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Meant to tell you this. When you get ready to write a post, open your site and scroll down to WP Admin. Click on that and you will have the old version back and not have to deal with the confusing new version. I hate it too!
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Thank you, Al, old pal x
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Oh, dear. Philosophy might posit that the Universe is telling you to slow down and smell the coffee.
Word is absurd, but it’s a necessary evil. I’m sure the Hub can fix it. That means you’ll have to talk to him.
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Gasp!
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Manchester was fun, wasn’t it… I still have two (nearly new) books about philosophy. One of which has helpful cartoons. The other summarizes the thoughts of ‘100 essential thinkers’. I still don’t get it either. But I keep trying in the hope that increasing maturity will lead me to a point of enlightenment. (ha!)
Hope you have fixed Word by now.
Medea.
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Manchester WAS fun. It’s in my life’s top ten highlights.
Sadly, Word is still absent. The Hub bought what was claimed to be a genuine copy from eBay, but that turned out not to be true, so we’re still looking for an affordable package.
Lovely lovely lovely to have you commenting again, Ma! xx
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I reread this because you packed a lot into this post. If you visit Washington DC you will find your knowledge of columns quite useful. Also your knowledge of philosophy might come in handy. Several of the Founders were enamored with both.
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Good to know, because a visit to Washington DC is at the top of my bucket list.
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I have a rollaway cot you can use if you need a bed. Heck, Big Al might even drive up with Patty for a day.
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I’ll definitely take you up on that if – when! – I get there!
And in other news…I’ll be seeing Al & Patty in the summer! 🙂
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Where are my manners?
Thank you!
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where o where has Tilly gone?
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A corner of a dank basement, to sulk.
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I have a habit of clicking those dialogue boxes away too – without actually reading them. I have no idea why I do this. I could philosophise over it but I shall not…
I’m replying quite a while after you posted this post. Did you get word back?
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Finally!
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