Tag Archives: Babies

Birthday Boy

18 Apr

Twenty-seven years ago today, I was given a little gift:

I loved this gift.  I played with it and dressed it and took it with me everywhere.  And then one day I lost it (I hate Lancaster University; anywhere he’s ever lived; any job he’s ever had).

But then, my gift returned one day, bearing another gift:


So I forgave my gift for having a life of its own without me, and was just glad that it had doubled in size.

Happy birthday, darling!  Did you know that you share your birthday with some illustrious people, including:

  • Lucretia Borgia (alleged poisoner) (hey, there weren’t that many careers available to 15th Century women)
  • Bernard Ogilvie Dodge (American botanist and pioneer researcher on heredity in fungi) (no joke required; his job says it all)
  • Clara Eggink (Dutch poetess) (…?)
  • George Huntington Hartford II (American heir) (seriously, who wants to be famous for being an heir – Prince William excepted, of course?  I’d rather be famous for being an alleged poisoner; at least I’d be making my own way in the world) (though I wouldn’t object to being an unfamous heir)
  • Lenny Baker (rocker with Sha Na Na) (well that’s just embarrassing) (though he is saved by the fact he was in Grease) (and he is often mistaken for Kenny Baker – being mistaken for a midget android with a cute voice has to be a step up, surely?)
  • Herbert Mullin (American serial killer) (some mothers do ‘ave ’em) (not this mother, of course) (right?)
  • Bernadette Robi (ex-wife of football player Lynn Swann) (yes, well…almost as worthy as being born an heir)
  • Thankfully, the list is saved by the great David Tennant (my child has a Doctor Who connection!!  He is now officially my favourite child)
  • Kourtney Kardashian (and he’s back off the favourite child list) (happy birthday, anyway, sweetie pie xxx) (love you)

Author’s Note:

The favourite child thing is just a joke: mothers don’t have favourite children.

But grandmothers do.

We Are A Grandmother

5 Dec

Glory Boy, proving that children have their uses: providing us with more children; the kind we can spoil, give back, and let get away with all the things we forbade their parents to do.

The post title: I think Margaret Thatcher was misunderstood in this instance. My bet is that in her excitement, she meant to say either, ‘We are grandparents’ or, ‘I am a grandmother’ but got the two muddled up and ended up using the Royal ‘We’.

Becoming a grandparent is rather like being royal, after all: someone else does the behind the scenes work; we just have to show up and be applauded.

Here’s my beautiful new grandson: now let the applause begin.

Look What I Did!

18 Apr

 

Somebody went to hospital twenty-five years ago and all they brought back was this lousy mountain man.

DSCF4248

Happy birthday, Hairy Boy.

Love you xx

Joke 924

3 Oct

Some Royal baby jokes from Twitter, via The Huffington Post (don’t ever complain that I’m not on the cutting edge of news…)

Little fat belly kitten baby

Little fat belly kitten baby (Photo credit: Eleventh Earl of Mar)

  • Royal baby latest: Kate Middleton is 10cm dilated and the midwife can see the silver spoon.  @HylandIan
  • Prince William’s heir is falling out.   @thegianttweets
  • Trending in his first five minutes of life. Talk about peaking early. 
  • “More like Your Cryness.” – the royal gynecologist, using a joke he’s been sitting on for years. @

    kumailn

  • In a year’s time, Kate will find some porridge on the inside of her bra & realise her son has just eaten 4 cat biscuits. I guarantee it.  Laura Mugridge
  • With 1 out of every 3 kids in the UK born into poverty there must be two sets of parents feeling really unlucky right now.   @TiernanDouieb  
  • If the #RoyalBaby sees its shadow there will be six more weeks of Downton Abbey.  @CollegeHumor   
  • Tomorrow’s headlines GUARDIAN: It’s a boy! TELEGRAPH: It’s a boy! DAILYMAIL: Has Kate lost the baby weight yet?  @TechnicallyRon  
  • If it’s a ten pound baby it’ll have the Queen’s head on it.  @mrnickharvey  
  • I don’t want to speculate about the royal baby’s name, but I’m pretty sure it will start with #.   @MooseAllain

 

The Laughing Baby

2 Aug

Fridays are now The Friday Laugh day.  Here’s today’s:

 

Joke 844

15 Jul
the_dos_and_donts_with_babies_013

the_dos_and_donts_with_babies_013 (Photo credit: DrJohnBullas)

One evening Jessica found her husband Mike with his head cocked looking at their baby’s cot.  Silently she watched him.

As Mike twisted and turned looking at their infant, Jessica could see on Mike’s face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, joy, surprise, enchantment and scepticism.

Mike did not usually show his emotions and his unusual display brought tears to her eyes.  Jessica put her arm around her husband and gently asked, “A penny for your thoughts.”

“It’s amazing!” Mike replied. “I just can’t work out how Mothercare are able to make a cot like that for only £49.99.”

Joke 672

24 Jan

Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labour and began to yell, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”?

She was having contractions.

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From writersjokes.  

 
Nicola Hulme Author

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