I’m Hormoanal

6 Feb

My sincere intention to blog weekly fell by the wayside due to ongoing health issues (annoying but not calamitous); but this is something I must share:

My first* collection is published tomorrow, February 7th, by Matthew James Publishing.

*Ever the optimist

According to MJP, my 

signature biting wit and incredible relatability will have you laughing one minute and sympathising the next.

I can live with that. And with this, in particular: 

This collection of sharp, confident, and witty feminist poetry is the voice of the everyday woman putting the world to rights and deserves to be read by everyone.


To celebrate its publication, I’m having a book launch at Stockport War Memorial Art Gallery on Saturday 9th, from 2-4pm, to which every single person I know or have ever known is invited. (I’m also hosting a free writing workshop beforehand, but I’m sad/happy to report that it’s fully booked.)Image result for stockport art gallery

MJP have made two of my dreams come true: ‘Publish a book’ has finally been crossed off my bucket list, but a long held desire can now safely be admitted to: when studying A Level English at the local college back in 1998, I came across a video in the library on the sublime poet Grace Nichols. It followed her around as she did various things like readings and visiting interesting places, and there is a moment when she shows her passport at border control, and her occupation is described as ‘poet’. That moment resonated with me, such that I longed to be able describe my own occupation as ‘poet’.

Though I don’t claim to be in the same league as Ms Nichols, from tomorrow, I can.

Author copies! Did you know they give you some for free??

The book is lighthearted and accessible, especially to those with no interest in poetry.

I’m offering a free copy to the person who leaves the best menopause joke in the comments (closing date February 28th 2019). I’ll post to anywhere in the world. The Hub will judge, for two reasons: it’s fun to make him squirm; and he is notorious for barely cracking a smile at what I think is hilarious. If you can make him laugh, you win.

Finally, a taster: here’s the title poem:

13 Responses to “I’m Hormoanal”

  1. elaine17 February 6, 2019 at 14:05 #

    Don’t look at me, man.
    Whichever way you do it
    You’ll get it so wrong.


  2. Christine Oosthuizen February 6, 2019 at 14:17 #

    I am so hormonal today, even my socks are pissing me off big time 😂😂😂😂


  3. Al February 6, 2019 at 14:52 #

    My dear Patty had quite a bad time with it. Her mother, with whom she was very close, died at the time she was going through it. She tried to run me out a few times. I just wouldn’t leave. This is not a “joke” per say, but pretty much captures the time.

    Menopause stopped by my house
    In the form of a much-addled spouse
    Because it arrived
    I soon was deprived
    And acting meek as a mouse.

    I thought our marriage ill-fated
    But those hot flashes finally abated
    Though the time was appalling
    With much gnashing and brawling
    Now I’m very glad that I waited.

    Again,congratulations poet!


  4. Ron. February 6, 2019 at 14:59 #

    Oh, TB…This is FANTASTIC news!!! I am extremely joyful & will definitely be ordering up a copy. I’d love to attend your Launch but, um…
    Maybe when it becomes the International Best Seller it’s no doubt destined to be, and you bring it across the Big Water, I’ll have a better chance.

    Conga Rats, Lady!


  5. Shanaz Akhter February 6, 2019 at 15:15 #

    My menopause may well be listed as the cause of death on my husband’s
    death certificate. (This is no joke).


  6. judyt54 February 6, 2019 at 15:43 #

    Brava, brava. I am torn between intense pleasure and intense jealousy, but having been through my own hormonal adventures (pulling a fireproof curtain over that one) and survived, I can understand and appreciate what you’re going through. Having the book under your belt has to ease the rest of it, I’d think.

    hugs, lady.


  7. slpmartin February 6, 2019 at 17:00 #

    Alas will be unable to make it to the Launch…but send along my best wishes!


  8. Janie Jones February 6, 2019 at 18:28 #

    I don’t have much experience yet with menopause so I will refrain from trying to make jokes. However, sincere congratulations on your publication!! I will have to find a copy, despite my general dislike of poetry. I mean, if it’s half as funny as your blog posts, I think it will be worth every penny!



  9. Debra February 9, 2019 at 03:32 #

    Very exciting news! You should be very proud, and I hope you are! Congratulations!


  10. Elaine - I used to be indecisive February 9, 2019 at 17:01 #

    Many congratulations! How exciting for you, and very well deserved. 🙂


  11. sarsm March 20, 2019 at 01:40 #

    I MISSED the competition!!!! Who won?
    I am so happy for you!! Massive congratulations!! I know I congratulated you on FB but still…
    2019 must be a good year, I think.


    • Elizabeth O January 14, 2020 at 06:23 #

      Congratulations Linda! I had no idea of this fantatstic achievement. Kudos to you and hope you have continued with your writings… Check in and say hello. 🙂


      • The Laughing Housewife March 30, 2020 at 16:18 #

        Sorry to take so long to approve your comments! I’ve been completely absent for a year or more.


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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