- You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
- Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.
- Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
- Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
- The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
- We childproofed our home, but they are still getting in.
Thanks to my friend Michelle for this one.
Fridays are now The Friday Laugh day. Here’s today’s:
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial – an elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs Jones, do you know me?”
She responded, “Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”
“Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.”
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice he said, with menace, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be in jail within three minutes!”
Thanks once again to Elizabeth for today’s joke.
Sidey’s Weekend Theme is Sunshine. Here in Stockport we don’t get much sunshine, being the English equivalent of Twilight‘s town of Forks, minus the pretty vampires. So, just rain, then.
We have to make our own sunshine, so here you go – some fake sunshine, courtesy of You Tube:
Now that you are as depressed as we Stopfordians usually feel, here’s something that actually works like sunshine is supposed to:
Have a great weekend, flowers!
Big Sunflower (Photo credit: eggheadsherpa)
How to have fun in spite of rain:
- Image via CrunchBase
- Image via CrunchBase
Thanks to Katherine Trauger‘s son for this one.
In the near-future, FaceBook, Twitter and You Tube are to merge.
The new company will be known as YouTwitFace.
Adam loves Lucy. Adam wants to propose. Adam joins a choir and persuades the members to sing Lucy’s favourite song on the Tube: