Tag Archives: Food

A True-ish Story

20 Mar

A Cup of Flour

They say truth is stranger than fiction; sometimes, it’s on par.

I laughed when I saw this cartoon, for something similar once happened to my mother.

Forty years ago, we had just moved to Runcorn and Mum had met our new next door neighbours but no one else.  She answered the door one morning and there stood a strange woman, holding a plate containing an egg and two bacon rashers.

Stranger: Can you please help me?  I’m a bit short for my breakfast; have you got a sausage to lend me?

[Bemused] Mum: Um, erm, sure, yes, hold on a sec.

Later that day, Mum saw our next door neighbour and told her all about the strange Image result for full english breakfastbreakfast-begging woman.

[Laughing] Neighbour: Oh, that was Irene*.  Don’t worry about it: she came to me for the beans!

Irene and her family eventually moved to a better part of town, into a large, posh house.  I wonder how many neighbours’ sausages helped to pay for it?Overnight Blueberry French Toast Recipe : so easy to make the night before and pop in the oven the next morning. A delicious breakfast casserole recipe with the surprise of blueberries and cream cheese and a lovely blueberry sauce topping. Perfect brunch recipe for a special occasion.

*Names changed to preserve privacy: ‘Irene’ is still alive; no doubt living on the neighbours’ Overnight Blueberry French Toast (breakfast has changed a lot in forty years).

In Which I Eat Elephant Ears

4 Apr

You may recall my post about elephant ears and what a disappointment (of sorts) it was to discover that they were not, in fact, mammoth trophies but were…well, if you don’t know, you’ll have to read the post for yourself.

Now I discover there is another kind of elephant ears: the kind you can eat! The best kind.

Don’t worry, I might not be vegetarian (shudder) but even I would balk at a pachyderm pot roast.

No, my lovely American friend Laurie, who blogs at laurieanichols, sent a surprise parcel in the post – a tin of elephant ears: homemade biscuits, so-called because of their shape.

DSCN2833

Sadly, the Hub has just been diagnosed as diabetic, so he couldn’t have any; Spud doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, so he had a taste, approved of them, but declined to eat any more; Tory Boy lives elsewhere; and I watch my weight these days.  

I value my friendships more than my figure, however, so I manfully swallowed as many elephant ears as I could.

DSCN2836

At the risk of offending all of my other friends who have fed me homemade biscuits before, I have to apologise and say: these were the best biscuits I have ever tasted.

I will always remember them fondly.  And so will my waist.  Thank you, Laurie!

Cooking The Prompts

13 Feb

You’re at the beach, lounging on your towel, when a glistening object at the water’s edge catches your eye. It’s a bottle — and yes, it contains a message. What does it say?

Drink Me.  Oh, wait…you’re not Alice.  Damn rabbit!

*

Tell us about something you’ve tried to quit.

Blogging.

Did you go cold turkey, or for gradual change?

Cold turkey.  It was Christmas.

Did it stick?

What do you think?

What’s the one item in your kitchen you can’t possibly cook without? A spice, your grandma’s measuring cup, instant ramen — what’s your magic ingredient, and why?

The Hub.  If he’s not there, cheering me on and hugging me through my failures, I go to pieces.  I once incinerated a pack of chippolata sausages because he was in another country instead of my kitchen.  I have to burn food so I know when it’s cooked (I was one of the few people to take notice of all those safety adverts as a child).  I need the Hub there to tell me when ‘burnt to a cinder’ is too much.

What’s instant ramen?

*

You’ve been granted magical engineering skills, but you can only use them to build one gadget or machine. What do you build?

Star Trek TNG‘s food replicator.  

But then I wouldn’t need the Hub…what to do, what to do?

*

What’s the household task you most dislike doing? Why do you think that is — is it the task itself, or something more?

Previous answers refer.

*

Write a post that includes dialogue between two people — other than you. 

A True Story, almost

The Hub: Where’s your Mum?

Tory Boy: In bed.

The Hub: Where are the boiled eggs?

Tory Boy: On the ceiling.

The Hub: She cooked?

What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned from the person you’re the closest to?

To leave the cooking to him.

Actually, not any more; his M.E. means that he can’t cook these days.

So I guess the lesson is, marry someone rich enough to afford takeaways.

*

It’s January 26. Write a post in which the number 26 plays a role.

Hello?  I’d like to order a Number 26, two 14s and a 32, please.

*

Tell us about the nicest thing you’ve ever done.

Stopped cooking for my family.

*

If you could fast forward to a specific date in the future, when would it be?

The day the replicator is finally invented.

*

Joke 863

3 Aug
Funny fortune cookie

Funny fortune cookie (Photo credit: dougbelshaw)

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs.  Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and with great effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite anisette sprinkled cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife…

“Back off!” she said.  “They’re for the funeral.”

*

From Will & Guy

 

Joke 862

2 Aug
French is Funnier

French is Funnier (Photo credit: cpedraza_ca)

Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

A: Nacho Cheese

Q: Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses?

A: R’n’Brie

Q: When should you go on a cheese diet?

A: If you need to cheddar few pounds

Q: What is a cannibal’s favourite cheese?

A: Limburger

Q: Which is the most religious cheese?

A: Swiss, because it is holy

Q: Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

A: Ask Cheese

Q: What group of cheese has been known to fly?

A: Curds of prey

Q: What does someone in a mall do with a cheesey credit card?

A: Go on a shopping brie

Q: What cheese surrounds a medieval castle?

A: Moatzeralla

*

From jokes4us

 

Joke 785

17 May

funny-pictures-squirrel-wants-cheese

The ‘nacho cheese’ was so popular, I found some more cheesy jokes for you.

*

‘Q: Did you hear about the explosion at a French cheese factory?

A: All that was left was de brie.

*

Q: Whom did the cheesy Bible start with?

A: Edam and Eve.

*

Q: What hotel do mice stay in ?

A: The Stilton

*

funny cheese pictures

Q: What dance do cheese makers do every Halloween?

A: The Muenster mash.

*

Q: What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost?

A: I’m Lac-ghost intolerant

*

Q: What’s the most popular American cheese sitcom?

A: Curd Your Enthusiasm

*

Q: Why does cheese look sane?

A: Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.

*

Q: What did the street cheese say after being attacked by several blades?

A: I’ve felt grater.

 

Joke 783

15 May

“Two peanuts walk into a really rough bar. Unfortunately, one was a salted.”

Français : Steak tartare présenté de façon ori...

Français : Steak tartare présenté de façon originale (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

@kchadda

“What do you call someone with jelly in one ear and custard in the other? A trifle deaf.”
@Channel4Food

“A man was drowned eating his muesli the other day. He was pulled in by a strong currant…”
@Bookatable

“Q: Why did the biscuit cry? A: Because his dad been a wafer so long”
@SeasonalFood

“How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down a hill.”
@Channel4Food

“Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.”
@BDT_Food

“Have you heard the one about the rhubarb who robbed a shop? He got taken into custardy.”
@Channel4Food

“Did you hear about the curry lover who wrote trashy fiction? He was a paperback riata.
@curryclubUK

“What cheese do you use to lure a bear down a mountain? Camembert!”
@lilyskitchen

“What cheese is made backwards? Edam”
@lilyskitchen

“What do you call a chicken in a shellsuit? An egg.”
@Addisonfowle

“What’s the fastest cake in the world?…scone.”
@Bakerjen

“How do you approach an angry welsh cheese? Caerphilly.”
@snidebeaker

“Why was the mushroom invited to the party? Because he’s a fun-guy”
@ChocExplosion

“What is small, red and whispers? … A HOARSE RADISH…”
@nathanrgray

“What’s orange and doesn’t belong to you? Nacho cheese!”
@Shinybiscuit

From Channel4

 

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