Joke 996

14 Dec

Some not particularly funny jokes about Facebook:

  • Did you hear about the website where you can find a collection of Twitter’s best jokes?  It’s called Facebook.
  • When I was kid, my social network was called “outside”.
  • When FaceBook, MySpace and Twitter merge into one super social networking company what will it be called?  “My Twit Face.”


Some so-so Facebook statuses:

  • My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
  • The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
  • I am wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome :p
  • I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
  • I love in horror movies how the person yells out “hello?!” as if the killer is gonna say “yeah I’m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?”


Some late night jokes about Facebook:

  • “It’s an interesting new feature. Soon you’ll be able to find anything you want on Facebook, except for the thousands of hours of your life you lost going on Facebook.” – Jimmy Kimmel
  • “Some people use Facebook to check up on ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. That just seems creepy to me. I like it the old-fashioned way. If you want to check up on an ex, go through their trash.” – Craig Ferguson
  • “Mark Zuckerberg got married. Their reception was annoying, though. Right when everyone got used to the seating arrangement, Zuckerberg changed the layout for no reason.” – Jimmy Fallon
  • “As of Friday you’ll all be able to buy shares of Facebook. This is perfect for anyone who’s ever logged on, looked at pictures of their friend eating a sandwich, and thought, ‘Now there’s a sound investment.'” – Conan O’Brien
  • “This week investors will be able to buy shares of Facebook stock for the first time ever. It’s great — now you can lose all your money in the same place you lost all your time.” – Jimmy Fallon
  • “There’s a new Facebook app that will post a final status update for you after you die. That’s ridiculous. I don’t need someone to change my status when I die. I need them to water my Farmville crops.” – Jimmy Fallon
  • “Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time magazine’s Person of the Year. They said he has single-handedly changed the way we waste time at work.” – Jay Leno


From the archive:


The Hub was explaining to me last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.

I said, ‘I’d like to come back as a cow.’

He said, ‘You’re obviously not listening.’


The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with death.


I’m in trouble with the wife. We were in bed and she asked what I would like to do most with her body.

Apparently, “Identify it” wasn’t the right answer.


A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.


Velcro – what a rip-off.


Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job?

She couldn’t control her pupils.


16 Responses to “Joke 996”

  1. jmgoyder December 14, 2013 at 04:08 #

    I love the FB jokes – so true. I have had so many rotten FB experiences lately (misunderstandings within my complicated family) that it was great to have a laugh – thank you Tilly!


  2. slpmartin December 14, 2013 at 05:14 #

    Oh…I also liked the FB jokes.


  3. December 14, 2013 at 07:53 #

    the FB jokes are all true!


  4. SidevieW December 14, 2013 at 10:16 #

    noooo, the UK revolter would say “no thank you!”


  5. SchmidleysScribbling December 14, 2013 at 22:15 #

    I take it being a cow is not a good thing? Dianne


  6. kateshrewsday December 14, 2013 at 23:51 #

    As usual, a nice selection for me to take into work and make everyone giggle, Thanks! I notice you’re nearing your thousandth joking post…..


  7. sharechair December 15, 2013 at 00:45 #

    I never joined Facebook. Sometimes I’m glad and other times I feel, well, kind of left out….. to join or not to join?


  8. benzeknees December 15, 2013 at 00:55 #

    I liked my giggle of the day! Maltesers to you!


  9. bluebee December 15, 2013 at 05:49 #

    ‘Anarchy in the UK’ – lol!


  10. Gobetween December 15, 2013 at 06:16 #

    Some wisdom hidden in those cartoons & jokes.
    Reblogged –


  11. Grannymar December 16, 2013 at 21:59 #

    That reminds me of the bandy legged farmer…,.,. He could not keep his calves together!


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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