The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

The Cross Section of a Malteser (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Kiwidutch has sensibly learned to love Maltesers, despite the heresy of first mistaking them for faux-Crunchies.

Crunchie Bar insides (Photo credit: avlxyz)

It led to me think that there’s not much you don’t know about my likes, dislikes and loves.

Then I opened a packet of cheese & onion crisps and it occurred to me  – hold your breath because I don’t think you’re going to believe this – if I had to give up either cheese & onion crisps or Maltesers, I would give up Maltesers.

I had a think about why I never mention my favourite snack on this blog and I realise it’s because Maltesers don’t give you bad breath, but cheese & onion crisps do.  I don’t want my readers going away with a bad smell under their noses.  Think about it – you can smell them now, can’t you?  And it’s horrible, isn’t it?   I want you to think of me as sweet-smelling.  There’s nothing worse than someone else eating cheese & onion crisps when you’re not.  Okay, war and famine and earthquakes are worse, but admit it – halitosis isn’t far behind. 

Cheese and Onion crisps (Photo credit: Watt_Dabney)

Here is my ideal snack break:

• A packet of cheese & onion crisps – slowly suck off the flavour, savouring the taste.  But do it in-mouth; licking is simply bad manners, even when eating alone.
• A packet of Maltesers – slowly suck off the flavour, savouring the taste. But do it in-mouth; licking is simply bad manners, even when eating alone.
• A mug of Earl Grey tea, black.  Drink at optimum temperature i.e. has been standing 21 minutes if large mug; 17 minutes for small mug. Should be just hot enough to meet the criteria for being a hot drink i.e. hot, but cool enough not to leave you needing a palate graft.  It is a fine art and many a perfect snack time has been destroyed by me jumping up and doing the burney tongue dance around the living room.  A too-cool cup can be re-heated in the microwave, but the effect is already ruined, so I generally don’t bother.  It’s like enjoying that first mug of tea so much you make another, which never tastes the same.
• Mint chewing gum to disguise the bad breath until a toothbrush can be accessed.

What’s your ideal snack break?