Joke 798

Ursus americanus (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A hunter in a forest was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. 

In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. He had no escape. 

Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear quickly closing in, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, “Dear Lord, please give this bear some religion!” 

The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop and glanced around, somewhat confused.

Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, “Thank you, Lord, for the food I’m about to receive…”

From ajokeaday.com

 

Joke 287

Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, ‘My friend is dead! What can I do?’

The operator says, ‘Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’

There is silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, ‘OK, now what?’