Joke 880

Difference between Men and Women (Photo credit: -LucaM- Photography WWW.LUCAMOGLIA.IT)

• When women are depressed they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking.
• When a man gives his opinion, he’s a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she’s a bitch.
• Diamonds are a girl’s best friend. Dogs are a man’s best friend. Now you know which sex is smarter.
• The only way to understand a woman is to love her – and then it isn’t necessary to understand her.
• To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.
• Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
• A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her; a man, of the woman who he didn’t.
• There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.
• Only two things are necessary to keep a wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.
• Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
• Any married man should forget his mistakes – no use two people remembering the same thing.
• Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
• A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
• If you women knew what we were thinking, you’d never stop slapping us.
• Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.

From hehe.at

 

Joke 662

Nigel and Stephen are chatting.

English: Two men talking (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Nigel announces, ‘I think I’m going to divorce my wife, she hasn’t spoken to me in eighteen months.’

Stephen downs his glass of red thoughtfully and responds, ‘Think it over a bit more, Nige; women like that are hard to find.’

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From Will & Guy.

Joke 172

Thanks to Michelle in South Africa for this one.

There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman:

before marriage and after marriage.

 

What If This Bloke Had Popped His Clogs At 69?

From Sidey’s prompt, what if?

With apologies to Viv and all of my decade-ally-challenged friends.

I read an item today about a seventy-year-old man in Widnes who married for the first time.  He said ‘it was worth the wait to find the right woman.’

Talk about picky.

What if he had died before seventy?  He would never have known the joy of getting down on one knee to propose; and staying there.

He met his wife Rosemary Hipwood two years ago while on Holiday in Devon.  Think that’s her name or her next operation?

Jimmy made his move two days later.  Do I really have to say it?

Seriously, I think it’s wonderful to know that love, life and happiness don’t slow down in our latter years, even if our bodies do.  It’s good to know that when I finally snap and bump off the Hub by clobbering him with his own clutter, there’ll be another man out there, ready to love me, smiling in a glass on the bedside table.

Joke 9

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

We Love Senryu

The prompt for We Write Poems this week was various kinds of love.  I didn’t write all of these senryu in response to that prompt, but it’s my favourite form (you might say I love it) and I have enough about love that I can share with you.  There’s also a short poem I wrote as a teenager in love on my South Africa – A Love/Hate Story blog.

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Talking Point

My son discovered
he loves Shakespeare: now we have
something in common.

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Christmas Eve With Dad

He lived and loved, laughed,
then sighed.  He held my hand.  He
held my hand.  He died.

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A Note For My Mum

An old woman passes me,
smelling of fags and
booze.  I grieve, for she’s not you.

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Friendship

Geese guard a stricken
comrade until it dies or
flies again – how neece.

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Adult Yearner

Married man longs for
someone. It can never be.
She is his wishtress.

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Unconditional Love

I expected to
feel it for my children, but
not for my pet dogs.

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Empty Nest

Forlorn housewife. Heart
heavy like wet washing on
the line. Mothers’ fate.

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Not-So-Modern Marriage 

Selfish man: your wife
will fetch carry clean feed love
you: stupid woman.

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Two Beautiful Things 

A bloody baby
and his brother, screaming their
way into my heart.

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