Joke 669

Some thoughts on drinking:

Alcohol! (Photo credit: Lynda Giddens)

• Beauty is in the hands of the beer holder.  Anonymous
• What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?  W.C. Fields
• Work is the curse of the drinking classes.  Oscar Wilde
• My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.  Henny Youngman
• Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it’s compounding a felony.  Robert Benchley
• You know what alcoholics call New Year’s Eve? Amateur night.  Elmore Leonard
• An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.  Dylan Thomas
• Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel doesn’t go nearly as well with pizza.  Dave Barry
• The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.  William Butler Yeats
• 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.  Stephen Wright
• I saw a notice that said “Drink Canada Dry” and I’ve just started.  Brendan Behan
• Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.  Dave Barry
• The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it – they’re the ones falling down the most.  Jay Leno
• Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.  Ernest Hemingway
• You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.  Dean Martin

Source: all over the internet