Quote…Unquote

I’m at an all-day workshop today, so here’s a reblog from two years ago.

The following quotes are from my clippings notebook:

Dilbert quotes, from an old Sky TV magazine:

• Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue
• Last night I lay in bed looking up at the sky and stars and I thought to myself, ‘Where the heck is the ceiling?’
• You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter
• Never argue with an idiot.  They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience
• Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

This next one is from Hagar the Horrible. It’s not that funny but it struck a chord with me because I read it when the Hub was travelling sub-Saharan Africa for weeks at a time and I was trying to think of reasons why that might be a good thing:

Helga: (Sigh) Being the wife of a traveling man is a trade-off…He gets to visit the great cities of Europe for three weeks…and I get a clean house for three weeks!

Only, the house was never clean for three weeks because I always re-arranged the furniture when he was away and it would take days at a time to do each room and the house would be upside down.  He would come back and be walking into things and getting into the wrong side of the bed for ages afterwards.  Served him right for leaving me alone with a baby and bad telly.

An old favourite from Hi And Lois. I can’t remember the characters’ names but it doesn’t really matter:

Mum (enters room where children are watching television): This program is awfully violent.

Boy: It’s just an animated cartoon, Mom, made up of thousands of drawings.  The  characters aren’t real so nobody gets hurt!

(Mum leaves)

Boy: That’s what I call my “Disney Defense.”

 Some Peanuts quotes:

• Sally: I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it.
• Charlie Brown: Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
• Charlie Brown again: Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, “Why me?”  Then a voice answers, “Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.”

My personal favourite, unattributed:

If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself.

Joke 341

My husband uses a kitchen implement to shred garlic and parmesan cheese, both of which I hate.

It really is the grater of two evils.