Joke 735

• What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.  Rodney Dangerfield
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• She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.   Bob Hope
• When someone asks you the question, “Are you ticklish?” it doesn’t matter if you say yes or no, cause they’re going to touch you. If someone asks if you’re ticklish and you don’t want to be touched you should say something like, “I have diarrhoea, now don’t touch me cause you’ll make it come out…and yes, I’m very ticklish.”   Demetri Martin
• I have everything I had 20 years ago, only it’s all a little lower.   Gypsy Rose Lee
• Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?  George Carlin
• All I do is eat and sleep. Eat and sleep. Eat and sleep. There must be more to a cat’s life than that. But I hope not. Garfield
• How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don’t know how to spell my name.  (Upon receiving a cheque from Jack Buck made out to “Bearer”) Yogi Berra
• Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.  Kin Hubbard
• Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. Mark Twain
• I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.  Will Rogers
• I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.  Erma Bombeck

Thanks to Elizabeth at Mirth & Musings for the jokes; the pics are from Facebook.