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Happy Easter!

31 Mar

Easter seems to be all about dogs this year.

B&B #bb #bedandbreakfast #dog #food #fun #funn...

B&B #bb #bedandbreakfast #dog #food #fun #funny #quote #true #joke #humor #irony #joke #sarcasm #actually #spain #igers #igersgirona #igersspain #iphonesia #instagramhub #photooftheday #instamood #bestoftheday #picoftheday #igdaily #jj #meme #rage #clubso (Photo credit: Sin Amigos)

At the Good Friday service, meant to be solemn, tacent and contemplative, we were joined by a sweet Yorkie cross, being babysat by an old lady who told everyone who ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ over the dog, ‘David said it was okay for me to bring Pepper!’*

*David is the vicar and not the old lady’s imaginary friend.  Pepper was the dog.  I didn’t see her wee, or I’d be writing about Pepper spray.

The dog was very well-behaved. Better behaved, in fact, than the old lady, who spent the whole time whispering to the only small child present, who replied in stage whispers.   They seemed to enjoy themselves.

At this morning’s service we had a guide dog in training, a black lab puppy named Max.  Beautiful dog, and also well-behaved.  Not like the time a young man brought his new pup and it did several rapid laps around the pews during the creed.

Perhaps it was the dogs who inspired David today.  Half way through a talk about the astonishment that was felt when the tomb was found to be empty, he apologised for losing his train of thought, but he was starving because he’d had no breakfast – and then he surprised us all by opening a tin of Pedigree Chum and eating some of it.  He shared it with a few brave children and even cornered a young fellow only there because his banns were being read (I wonder if he’ll turn up for the wedding?).

Mars bar (UK style). Photo by sannse.

Mars bar (UK style). Photo by sannse. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It was semi-melted Mars Bar, of course, poured into a re-labelled prunes can; but David shared that information only with those of us who asked him after the service if it really was a tin of Chum?  I’m a little worried, now I think about it, that many people didn’t ask him what was in the tin; did they take his act at face value?  No doubt, he will forever be remembered in the parish as that funny bloke in the long dress who ate dog food during the sermon.

As my friend Lois said in relation to something else entirely, but which seems rather apposite here – you can find anything in the Church of England.

*

The previous word was ‘slimsy’: Flimsy, frail – what this post is in relation to the true Easter story.  

If you celebrate it, Happy Easter!

Joke 738

31 Mar
Not a Light Bulb Joke

Not a Light Bulb Joke (Photo credit: cogdogblog)

Q: How many Bill Gates’ does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.

Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

Q: How many MicroSoft tech support people dies it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Okay. Now exactly how dark is it? Okay, there could be 4 or 5 things wrong…have you tried the light switch?

Q: How many MicroSoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to hammer the bulb into a faucet.

Q: How many MicroSoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to work the bulb, and seven to make sure that MicroSoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.

Q: How many MicroSoft testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We just determine that the room is dark; we don’t actually change the bulb. Since we have a dead-bulb result on file from a previous test, rest assured that Development is working on a bug fix.

Q: How many MicroSoft shipping department personnel does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can change the bulb in 7 to 10 working days. If you call before 2 PM, and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed overnight. Don’t forget to put your name in the upper right hand corner of the light bulb box.

Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But they’ll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy as it would be for a Mac user.

Q: How many MicroSoft managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We’ve formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and to determine what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.

Q: How many MicroSoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(TM) as the new industry standard.

From lightbulbjokes.com

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