Archive | 06:19

Joke 30

23 Apr

A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.  The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, and walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog’s body.  He finally looks at the vet and meows.

The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too.” The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.

The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too.”

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.  The vet answers, “$650.”

“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaimed the man.

“Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests.”

The Roar Of The Grease Paint, The Smell Of The Crowd…

23 Apr
Cigarette butt.

Image via Wikipedia

Have you ever considered writing a book?

I tried to write a romance once.  It didn’t go well.  It helps if you are romantic; I am not.  Though I did once remember to tell the Hub I love you on his birthday.  Then I showed him my credit card statement.

Make a top ten list of favorite things to do you haven’t done in over a year.

I could honestly only think of one: go to the theatre.  It’s just too expensive.  What a crime against me – when I think of all the wonderful theatre Manchester has to offer… Mamma Mia‘s coming here soon.

If you had to debate a version of yourself that was ten years younger, who would win?

Hmm.  My younger self was more hot-headed, less cynical; my older self is confident and self-assured (if that’s okay?)  My older self could kick my younger self’s butt.  Metaphorically speaking.  My older self couldn’t kick a cigarette butt without falling over. My younger self would help my older self up again.  So would my older self, though how my older self would help my older self up when I’ve just said my older self would fall over by gently swinging a leg is beyond me.  Ask my younger self; she seems to know what she’s doing.

Forget 2012, when do you think the world will end?

Haven’t I just had this conversation with Charles in the comments?  The Bible says ‘No one knows the day or the hour’ so I don’t think I’ll try to second-guess the Lord.

Think someone read my Terminator post?

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