Joke 747

From flyingjokes.  I knew there was a reason I don’t like flying…

Snakes on a Plane! (The Cake) (Photo credit: bzibble)

Basic Flying Rules:

1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

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LH741: “Tower, give me a rough time-check!”
Tower: “It’s Tuesday, Sir.”

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A young and stupid pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.  He was approaching a field during the night time.  Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: “Guess who?”

The controller switched the field lights off and replied: “Guess where!”

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Ground Control: “123DG, bear to the left, disabled aircraft on the right.”

Pilot: “123DG, Roger, I have the disabled aircraft in sight, but I don’t see the bear yet.”

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On a very quiet night:

Pilot: “Fark I’m bored”
Tower: “Would the aircraft reporting boredom please identify yourself”
Pilot: “I said I was farking bored, not farking stupid.”

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beware low flying planes (Photo credit: badjonni)

Tower: You have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!

Pilot: Give us another hint, we have digital watches!

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Eggenfelden Info: D-EXXX please report persons aboard.

D-EXXX (C-172): Pilot and two pax and one dog.

Eggenfelden Info (after Cessna finally bounced to stop):  Assume the Pilot in Command was the dog ?

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Pilot: “…Tower, please call me a fuel truck.”

Tower: “Roger. You are a fuel truck.”

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Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing: You’ve got to land here, son. This is where the food is.