Joke 879

19 Aug
Modern art, or absent-mindedness?

Modern art, or absent-mindedness? (Photo credit: Wrayson)

I think I may have posted a few of these before but some of them are new and all of them are funny.

Points To Ponder As You Get Older

  • If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
  • A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
  • A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
  • Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  • My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and All Bran.
  • I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
  • Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
  • Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
  • If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?
  • It was a whole lot easier to get older than to get wiser.
  • I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.
  • Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
  • Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
  • It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
  • The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
  • When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
  • It’s not hard to meet expenses . . .they’re everywhere.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  • These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m here after.
  • Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

*

From Fropki.com

Advertisements

12 Responses to “Joke 879”

  1. Katharine Trauger August 19, 2013 at 04:06 #

    Yep! All of them are funny! Thanks! I like “If all is not lost…” the best. 🙂

    Like

  2. Terry August 19, 2013 at 04:16 #

    I like the one about the whale. He is active all day. Eats lean and is still fat. I think it may be in our genes. This is going to be my excuse from now on

    Like

  3. tskraghu August 19, 2013 at 04:27 #

    great start for the day, thank you.

    Like

  4. jatwood4 August 19, 2013 at 04:38 #

    Heeheeheeheehee!

    Like

  5. Sigrid Gerstner Stevens Saradunn August 19, 2013 at 05:45 #

    Thanks..
    # 1…of course a broken glass is modern art…silly question
    # 2..I will confound my friends with these as “truisms” of course.

    Thanks for a laugh before beddy bye.
    You are at wakey uppy so have a good and wonderful day.
    Peace
    Siggi

    Like

  6. Grannymar August 19, 2013 at 09:00 #

    If you told them before……. I do not remember!

    Like

  7. Lisaman August 19, 2013 at 10:48 #

    I’m not sure if walking postmen still exist.. in France it’s all cars!!!

    Like

  8. lanceleuven August 19, 2013 at 12:50 #

    “The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.”

    That is pure brilliance! 🙂

    Like

  9. Al August 19, 2013 at 17:25 #

    Funny, I don’t remember you posting these before.

    Like

  10. Hattie August 19, 2013 at 18:22 #

    Yes, I’ve got my head together, but my body is falling apart! It’s all too true

    Like

  11. colonialist August 19, 2013 at 22:00 #

    Very clever. I like the ones saying accidents in kids cause back seats.

    Like

  12. slpmartin August 19, 2013 at 23:10 #

    Ha…now there’s some valuable logic in these lines. 🙂

    Like

All comments are welcome, though compliments may result in you having your Malteser privileges revoked

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Nicola Hulme Author

Exploring creative writing and learning every day

Worldly Winds

It's not easy being me!

Vivinfrance's Blog

mainly poetry, also quilts, pictures, life-writing and the occasional short story.

Unpicked:Restitched

Where is the heart of Stockport?

Grains of Sand

notices and reflections in ministry

The Cvillean

The adventures of little read writing Hood

%d bloggers like this: