Dog Quotes

“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.”
— Dave Barry

“In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.”
— Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

“You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets.”
— Nora Ephron

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
— Robert A. Heinlein

“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.”
— Gene Hill

“To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.”
— Aldous Huxley

“Man is a dog’s idea of what God should be.”
— Holbrook Jackson

“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.”
— Ben Williams

“Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.”
— Unknown

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A TV Curiosity

Laura Ingalls has weird hair – despite being in braids all day long, when she goes to bed and wears it loose, there’s not a crinkle in sight.  How is that possible?  Is there something in the pioneer air?

 

Joke 215

This one – most surprisingly – came from Paula.  Elizabeth also posted it, and gave me permission to use it.

Four girlfriends went to a Ladies Night Club.

One girl, eager to impress the rest, pulled out a $10 bill and when the male stripper came dancing, she licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his right butt cheek.

Another girlfriend pulled out a $20 bill, waved the stripper back over, licked the $20 bill, and stuck it on his other butt cheek.

Not to be outdone, the third girlfriend pulled out a $50 bill, winked at the stripper, licked the bill, and slowly and teasingly stuck it on his left butt cheek.

The stripper, now feeling bold and encouraged by the applause of other patrons, gyrated over to the fourth girlfriend.  Everyone was watching and cheering, all eyes on her, with the male stripper egging her on to top the $50.  She reached for her wallet: only $15 in there…what to do?

Then the marketing genius in her took over: she took out her ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his bum, grabbed the 80 bucks, and went home.