E Is For ‘Poo’

29 Mar
Cover of "Dog Day Afternoon"

Cover of Dog Day Afternoon

I’ve had a rash of new subscribers the last few weeks, so they might as well know my level from the start, before they get sucked in to my dark world of bad puns and toilet humour.  Welcome, newbies!  Thank you for subscribing.  Just so you know, you may regret it.  Ask my regulars.  You can’t say you weren’t warned.

FYI: I write an irregular series of posts about me, based on the alphabet.  No reason, really; just copying more original bloggers.

Where was I?

E is for ‘poo’, or ‘excrement’.  Excrement is the same thing as poo, but sounds worse.  Let’s not go there.  Babies and children poo; adults excrete.  Okay, I went there; but I need to thrash this out.

I write about poo a lot; I don’t know why.  Bowels don’t move me.  Perhaps it’s because I spend my life picking up after my dogs (I am a responsible owner).

Before we knew Spud had an eye problem, he used to fall down a lot.  Into big piles of steaming (summer)/frozen (winter, spring, autumn) doodoo.  I lost count of the pairs of pants and/or shoes I threw into the bin on the way to school (just to clarify: he was a toddler at the time, escorting his big brother). 

I HATE dog poo.  I LOATHE lazy owners who leave their dog’s dirt lying around for children to fall into and go blind.  If caught, they should be forced to collect all the poo on the park with their bare hands.

I have a whole collection of poems about poo. 

Really.  It has my favourite title of all my collections: Number Two Cycle.  Here’s one:

*

Dog Day Afternoon

Spring day; a walk in
the park: the triumph of hope
over effluence.

*

And another:

*

Time and Motion

I’m always here
On the loo.
Diarrhoea?
It’s déjà poo.

*

My favourite post about poo was a long ramble with the dogs, in which I described their toilet habits (regular and often) and colour (five in one, at one point), and how I had to carry it all around with me until we found a bin.  It was a lovely sunny day and it allowed me to close with the line, I never felt more like swinging the poos…

Toilet humour!  I love it!

Unsubscribers to the right, please.

49 Responses to “E Is For ‘Poo’”

  1. jmgoyder March 29, 2012 at 12:48 #

    Now, this is why I think you should pitch your wonderfulness to a publisher!
    Too funny – I would find it difficult to not have a post of yours every day – go Tilly!!!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud March 29, 2012 at 13:44 #

      You are the best ego-stroker in the blogosphere 🙂

      Like

  2. mairedubhtx March 29, 2012 at 14:05 #

    In our apartment complex, the administration provides poo bags and disposal containers. What could be easier? But apparently for some people, this is not enough for them. They still let their dogs go wherever and leave it. So one may still come out of one’s front door and find poo in the front yard. Yuck. I would love to find these stealth poo-leavers and leave the poo on THEIR front yards.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud March 29, 2012 at 14:05 #

      It is absolutely disgusting, isn’t it? Lazy and selfish.

      Like

  3. laurieanichols March 29, 2012 at 14:19 #

    In New York City, if you don’t pick the poo up after your dog the fine is fairly hefty. Twenty years ago having a dog off leash earned you a fifty dollar ticket. These days it must be double that and I am sure that the fine for poo can’t be too far off. You should really think about assembling your treasure trove of posts and march yourself down to the publisher’s and say “here it is, and here is my list of endorsers (that would be us, your dedicated followers) feel free to publish” I am not the only one to say it, I am only taking up the clarion call to push you to the publishers.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud March 29, 2012 at 14:24 #

      That’s what it took for you all to get behind me? Poo?

      I’m afraid to ask what that says about me… 🙂

      Like

      • laurieanichols March 29, 2012 at 15:20 #

        It means that you have the talent for making the mundane and the trivial into something funny. Poo is the great equalizer, it doesn’t matter how rich you are, you still have to Poo. You make it funny.

        Like

  4. siggiofmaine March 29, 2012 at 15:46 #

    Another endorsement for Tilly the Poo.

    My brain waves, still half awake, came to attention with the wonderful words:
    “Bowels don’t move me”
    then with: “Excrement is the same thing as poo, but sounds worse” I thought,
    a woman with great thoughts in plain…pardon me…plain English.
    If I hadn’t been a Tilly fan from the first read,
    ” never felt more like swinging the poos…” would have won my punny heart.

    Great write, keep ’em comin’ Tilly ! Ah. Usually it is just before sleepy-bye time, so I have sweet dreams. Today, the blessing of first thing, even before breakfast…well,
    brunch, now !
    Peace,
    Siggi in Downeast Maine

    Like

    • Tilly Bud March 30, 2012 at 10:40 #

      A post about poo – just what you want to read before brunch 🙂

      Like

      • Tilly Bud April 3, 2012 at 10:37 #

        BTW – forgot to say – Tilly the Poo – I love it!

        Like

  5. Katherine Gordy Levine March 29, 2012 at 16:13 #

    I particularly hate the pooey people who leave their dog’s poo on the sidewalk. There was once a joke about heaven that I will try to find. In my version, when the bell rings those in poo hell have to stand on their heads.

    Love poo jokes. Thought it might end up a Pooh joke but glad you didn’t dirty him.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud March 30, 2012 at 10:41 #

      I dursent! The Hub would kill me. The only cartoon he ever liked was Pooh Bear.

      Like

  6. SchmidleysScribbling March 29, 2012 at 17:41 #

    I don’t remember being warned about your scatological humour, but I love getting down and dirty with you most of the time. Dog poop I dig. Or rather we flush it per county regulations. Dianne

    PS as one who has participated in a number of archeological digs, I can tell you Feces matters a lot. How the heck do you think they know about the Cave Man diet. Dianne

    Like

  7. Kathy Whitney March 29, 2012 at 17:45 #

    I love it!

    Like

  8. Kathy Whitney March 29, 2012 at 17:46 #

    LOVE this post!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud March 30, 2012 at 10:44 #

      It was so good, you loved it twice! Thanks 🙂

      Like

  9. Gobetween March 29, 2012 at 19:43 #

    Be honest the only reason you wrote this post is to see how search engines are going to link millions of poo searches to your blog 😉
    I can’t wait to see the spam report on this one.

    Like

    • vivinfrance March 29, 2012 at 21:44 #

      simply scatology supreme. (Please don’t take away my Malteser privileges)

      Like

      • Tilly Bud March 30, 2012 at 10:45 #

        Gobetween: It honestly never occurred to me. Now I’m a little bit frightened.

        Viv: I won’t. Not until I’ve looked up the meaning of ‘scatology’, anyway.

        Like

        • Tilly Bud March 30, 2012 at 10:47 #

          sca·tol·o·gy
             [skuh-tol-uh-jee] Show IPA

          noun
          1.
          the study of or preoccupation with excrement or obscenity.

          2.
          obscenity, especially words or humor referring to excrement.

          3.
          the study of fossil excrement.

          Yeah, I don’t think you’re in any danger of paying me a compliment, Viv 😉

          Like

  10. Al March 30, 2012 at 01:27 #

    Only Tilly Bud. She writes a “crappy” post and still gains more readers.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud March 30, 2012 at 10:48 #

      Only Big Al. He pays me a compliment and makes it sound like an insult.

      Or pays me an insult and makes it sound like a compliment.

      Man, you’re good!

      Like

  11. benzeknees March 30, 2012 at 08:15 #

    As a newbie, I’m still here! Didn’t scare me off, I’m having a blast reading your posts! Keep up the good work.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud March 30, 2012 at 10:56 #

      How sweet! Thank you.

      By the way, you are banned from eating Maltesers until you learn to insult me (must be clean and/or funny)

      Like

      • benzeknees March 30, 2012 at 17:40 #

        No, not my Malteasers! Please don’t take them away! I promise I’ll never do it again! (Eyes brimming with tears & hands clutched in supplication). I was weak for a moment, I’ll never do it again (sob)

        Like

  12. bluebee March 30, 2012 at 08:55 #

    😀 😀

    This post might put you in danger of attracting weirdos to your blog (well…new weirdos)

    Like

    • Tilly Bud March 30, 2012 at 11:01 #

      I wish I had thought of that before I posted it. But I would probably still have posted it – I need the ammo for my searches posts.

      Like

      • Jessica March 30, 2012 at 14:36 #

        I love reading about your search posts. Did you know people have armpit fetishes? I never knew until 40 something people came to my blog while searching wordpress for armpit photos this month…

        I’d be much more comfortable with people searching for “poo” articles. I’m sure this says something about my mental state. I’m not sure what.

        Like

  13. eof737 March 30, 2012 at 09:43 #

    Oh Tilly, you need to go to the loo! 😆 🙂

    Like

    • Tilly Bud March 30, 2012 at 11:03 #

      Often, but that’s a post for another day 😉

      Like

  14. sarsm March 30, 2012 at 13:49 #

    Earlier this week I took the little one to Kindergarten and told the teacher that I’m sorry we arrived late but I had to sit on the toilet for a bit.

    My husband asked me why on Earth I would tell the Kindergarten teacher such a thing.

    I said, baffled, “Because I WAS on the loo for a while?!?”

    He informed me no one, NO ONE except me freely talks about poo in public.

    I thank you, Tilly!!! I’m going to show him this post and say very loudly: “SEE!!!”

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 1, 2012 at 14:05 #

      I once told my boss that I wasn’t in a strange mood; I was having my period.

      We should start an Inappropriate Sharing Club 😉

      Like

  15. Jessica March 30, 2012 at 14:34 #

    Just glad that I’m not the only blogger who has written about poo and excrement. I was feeling left out.

    No one has done a search for poo to find my blog, but they have searched for armpits and found my blog. Poo is being done a disservice.

    Not to mention pissing yourself, which, I have proven, is sometimes very productive and beneficial.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 1, 2012 at 14:06 #

      The armpitters come here as well, thanks to Julia Roberts.

      Re your last comment: …

      Like

  16. Gobetween March 30, 2012 at 17:46 #

    I saw this photo of a doggy and immediately thought of this post.

    Like

  17. Pseu March 30, 2012 at 17:47 #

    Time for the Bristol Stool Chart, methinks, then we can really talk about it
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_Stool_Scale

    And you thought the tone couldn’t be lowered?

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 1, 2012 at 14:16 #

      Should I blush to admit that this is really useful?

      Like

      • Pseu April 1, 2012 at 19:31 #

        no blushes needed. 🙂

        Let’s all aim for type 4 and we’ll all be happy.

        Like

  18. thehappyhugger March 30, 2012 at 19:34 #

    Hehe 🙂 I shall now follow your blog… 😉
    *hugs*

    Like

  19. Patti April 2, 2012 at 14:55 #

    Thinking of this post, I took a picture for you when I was in San Diego this past weekend – I will include it in a post sometime soon…..

    Like

    • Tilly Bud April 3, 2012 at 11:10 #

      I must confess, I’m a little apprehensive 🙂

      Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. G is for Getaway | Read Me - April 25, 2012

    […] And I had to take this photo of 40,000 year-old giant-sloth dung for my friend Tilly Budd, to go with her own A to Z challenge post:  “E is for Poo.” […]

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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